Places I've been...

Identity with Atheists
 Richard Beck posted some thoughts last week on the life of Therese of Liseux.  I don't come from a tradition that makes much of "saints",  and had never heard of her.  Therese went through an intense crisis of faith during the illness that led to her death.  For her, this led to a deep sense of solidarity and empathy with atheists and those 'outside' the faith.  Something about the way she identified so totally with those "others" was, to me, a beautiful and deeply moving picture of Christ.





Real Stuff

Glenn Hager, over at Communitas Collective, wrote some soul-nourishing words about the messiness of life.  His observation: that the hard places, and the "real stuff" of life is where you find a real God.  Words I needed to hear - again.

Rest
Adrian, over at Life before the Bucket, is experimenting with Sabbath-keeping.  That's something I have some thoughts about, and may even post about it myself...  however I think for Adrian and his lovely wife, Kalyn, the exercise is more about finding a rhythm between work and rest - always a good thing! 

Life Before the Bucket is a new blog discovery for me - but really seems a great place to "drop in"!  While you're over there, check out the Drawbridge post - & join in the game!  It's as thought provoking as it is fun!

God of the Broken

 I really enjoyed hanging out at church this morning.  I'm slowly feeling more connected with the folks there (I haven't been attending there all that long) and am loving the sense of community, and the freedom and joy that so often comes across through what is shared.

I really enjoyed the singing, too - more than I have in a while.  I haven't been finding it easy to pray or to feel "connected" with God, of late (much as I value that) & it was a time when I felt I could just reach out and trust Him, if that makes sense.  It was what my soul needed.

But there was something I just couldn't quite do.  I couldn't sing the words of some of the songs, comfortably.  In fact, I ended up staying silent for bits, and at one point changed them to my own version.  Not that they were theologically wrong, or bad at all.  It's just...

Why Jesus makes NO sense!!

I visited my mum's church, a few weeks back.  I'm pretty uncomfortable with institutional church on the whole,  but this is one little community I think I could happily be a part of.   I have had a few contacts with them over the past few years, all of them positive.  The most significant was 2 years ago, when they mourned, with us, the death of my father.  So I guess that kinda makes them "extended family".  Their youth pastor, a guy named Joel Noonan (according to their website - I had not actually met him before) talked about Jesus' explanations of "The Kingdom of God" - and how totally confusing they can seem.  It's like a mustard seed, it's like a coin... it's like a farmer sowing seed...  Well, what is it, really??

He wryly recounted his visit to some church conference or other, where the visiting speaker had announced that he was going to explain very simply what the Kingdom of God meant - and then proceeded to list 47 different points intended to "simplify" our understanding (well, maybe not quite 47, but you get the idea) leaving his audience probably feeling more confused than ever before.

A God-Awful Day!

I don't really know how to blog about my day, without sounding either whingey, or really trite and twee - plus it involves exposing my (hopefully temporarily) tatty financial state & probably poor management of some things, to the blogosphere.  Nonetheless, I want to share - because right now, I'm just boggling with wonder!

Let me begin with our recent "series of unfortunate events".  (I was hoping the superstition that "bad things come in threes" was true... unfortunately if it is, our run of "bad luck" is not over yet - we've begun again - so I'm dropping that idea!)

The Furore (about Mars Hill and "that" viral video)

Seems my ruminations on control in relationships were quite timely.  A couple of things seem to have really stirred up the blogosphere this week, and in my mind they both relate.

Since the blogosphere is largely American, and the fuss may not have filtered through to all my Aussie readers ...  I will briefly repeat what is now "old news".  A large and influential mega-church in the States has come under fire for the abusive use of "church discipline" towards one of its members.  At the same time, a video has gone viral, in which a young man explains passionately in poetry why he loves Jesus, but hates "religion".

The whole story on the church abuse thing is very well documented here, and the viral video can be found here.  (And thank you, Winn Collier, whose thoughtful post first got me involved in this conversation)

The church abuse story, to me, just smacks of everything that is wrong with "religion".  Rules over people, control, judgment, blind adherence to some kind of "formula" at the expense of human lives.  And following Jesus, and avoiding "religion" has been a bit of a mantra of mine, for some time now.  Yet Jeff Bethke's video sat uneasily with me.

Letting go...

This post is probably going to be more questions and ruminations than answers or great wisdom...  but some thoughts on love and friendship have been rolling around in my head, and I thought I'd let them out for some air!

I truly believe that love is everything.  Relationships are what matters.  The rest is secondary.  But every human relationship is an interactive dance...  finding that beautiful and delicate balance between you and I, between desiring and controlling, between freedom and obligation...

Our relationships with one another can be the most sustaining, or the most damaging forces in our lives.  We are designed to relate to one another.  We are each of us part of a family, a community, and a society.  Beyond that, we belong to the complex interweaving of life that is our world.  We are not simply individuals.  Our relationships are part of us - and when they are broken, part of us is broken too.

So.

How do we dance that delicate dance, without treading on toes or forcing others in directions only we want to go?  How do we sustain healthy relationships without being pushed, coerced, or shackled into heavy and unsustainable obligations? 

Just Breathe

So now, in sunny Australia, we are having our summer holidays.  I have to tell you, I truly love January.  Christmas and New Year rush is over, and we have nearly a whole month where the pace slows, the pressures of work and school disappear, the weather is generally gorgeous....  and I can finally breathe. 

There have been a few really significant moments of clarity in my otherwise muddled and messy life.  I think it's safe to say that all of these moments followed a really significant amount of "breathing space", of one kind or another.  In 2010, 6 months or more of being unwell and out of work turned out to be the greatest gift I could receive.  I found myself again (not that I was looking - I didn't even realise I'd lost me, I'd been so busy!). And other really important realisations - and I mean realisations of the mind-blowing, paradigm altering, life-changing kind - all seem to have arrived after a period of quietness and inactivity.

With Us

Well I wasn't going to post over Christmas, and honestly, I've been feeling pretty low and uninspired.  However there's been a glimmer of something hopeful and peaceful that I thought I would share.

This has been a bit of a hard Christmas, so far.  (It's Christmas Day here now - I know my US friends still have one sleep to go!)  My extended family gets together on Boxing Day, so this afternoon, as I type, it is quiet and restful.   The kids and I are at my mum's now, having done the "usual" family Christmas morning thing at home, for the first time as a separated couple.  It was a bit rough.  On all of us, I think.  There was a bit of na-na-nastiness re Christmas arrangements yesterday... but it didn't last long.  Mostly it was just a bit awkward and sad.

Like all holidays, really, Christmas can sometimes be very tough.  The fact that we feel it is supposed to be all about love and togetherness just makes the lack of those things, where it exists, an extra raw

Not a Lot to Say.

OK.   This is "the blog post you write when you're not writing a blog post".

I know this is the time of year when lots of people are reflecting on Christmas, and yes, our family is gearing up to spend time together, and I'm looking forward to it.

But more than anything, I find at the moment I am craving space, peace, and time to think.

Maybe the results of that will appear here on the blog.  Maybe they won't.

I love having this space to share ideas and interact - but at the moment, I'm dry.  I really need some solitude, time for reflection, and ... some reconnection with God.  Life's been complicated ( is that a bad thing?  Perhaps not...) and I need to take some time out and just 'process' stuff.

I really hope the Christmas (or holiday - if Christmas is not your thing) season is a wonderful and blessed time for you all...  and perhaps because it's what I'm hoping for myself, I hope the little break from normal day-to-day activities is just what your soul needs!!!

Blessings,
Kerry


Image credit:  http://www.modny73.com/artwork/photography/30-staggering-examples-of-reflection-photography/

"Judge not..."

I read/watched something incredibly disturbing this morning on ABC online news.

A government "boys home" in Tamworth, NSW, has apparently spawned a generation of heinous killers.  Former inmates have been linked with 35 deaths and an alarming number of Australia's most notorious and depraved criminals, it turns out, spent their teenage years there.

Former inmates (now old men) recount some of the treatment they experienced as a matter of course, during their time at Tamworth.  It's chilling, to the core.  Systematic isolation, rape, torture, starvation...  the effect on those already very troubled kids is incalculable.  Yes, they were already on a criminal trajectory - but even a week of the treatment meted out at Tamworth would be enough to push a healthy individual over the edge.   If you have the stomach to read it, find the article here.

It presents a very different facet to some shocking Australian atrocities.  Here's just one example:  In

Between Worlds

That's me, at the moment.  In just about every important way I can think of.

I'm between jobs.
Between relationships.
Between life stages.
Between churches.
Between beliefs.

It's not a bad thing.
But it's uncomfortable.
Sometimes.

In spite of that,
I am happy for it.
When our lives are settled "in" something
And everything seems packaged and certain
We miss the fact that life is change,
and we are, in fact, always "between".

And in times like this
It is easier to look outside those "mini-worlds" that I can be in or between... 
And see the bigger reality
That holds me
And will never let me go.
Selah.

Places I've been...

On the subject of covenant relationships (such a rich and meaningful phrase, to me!)  Joy, of Joy in this Journey takes up this subject in the context of church relationships.  I love her perspective!  Find it here (guest post on 'Jesus needs new PR')

On the subject of interpreting scripture...  an interesting perspective from Derek Flood, talking about trajectories of thought and growth of ideas throughout the Bible.  (I love that Derek goes places most of us avoid, because they raise uncomfortable questions.  The one about genocides and infanticides in the Old Testament?  Well he tackles that one here!)

And on the subject of why we all tend to grip and tussle so passionately with our perspectives/ideas/experiences of religion and faith...  A thoughtful insight from Richard Beck, over at Experimental Theology - talking about our "ghosts".

Enjoy! 

A Beautiful Story

Today I'm just going to share a blog post by a friend.  Ethan has been on a journey of discovery, learning how to be authentically himself, in following Jesus.  I love his insight, and his courage.

He's written the most beautiful allegory about this.  There is just so much in it that resonates with me.  So... enough from me - find it here on Ethan's Blog

& that's all from me!!

The "M" Word.

Lots has been coming my way, about the institution of marriage.  I was recently sent an email, with links to pro-marriage information.  This was a response to current legislative changes being debated, regarding the legal definition of marriage.  Another friend had a bit of a vent on facebook this morning, about married men she had heard speaking incredibly disrespectfully of their wives...  and of course, for me, the subject is very personal - as my marriage is ending.

A slight change of pace...

Recently, I joined the Southern Highlands branch of the Fellowship of Australian Writers.  It's been wonderfully inspiring, I have to say.  Each month, some writing topics are given as a kind of non-compulsory "homework".  This month, I actually tackled one!  The topic for poetry was "New Times".  Here's my effort:

New Times

She sags against the pier her filthy robe

A mockery.

Too blear and dull to clean or wash or dress

Matted hair in lousy, rank disharmony

Her blackened fingers rhythmically harass

The stench fouled air.

She stinks of piss.

Pedestrians avert their eyes and skirt

Uneasily.

Discard a glance of pity or disgust

The city gleams with commerce, shines with industry

In this showcase of the prosperous, there’s no place

For such as her.

They’ll move her on.

Along the foreshore lights begin to glimmer,

Beckoning

The leisured and the young to come and play

Lover’s murmured voices drifting promises

To the twilight, not for them the close of day

Their universe

A world of hope.

Between the pylons, wakened to the darkness

Muttering

Her every sharpened sense alert and bared

She battles them again; again remembering.

With all her strength, defends, she sees them clear

Those torments past

That shroud her still.

                                                   Kerry Miller

 



Incidentally (or perhaps not so incidentally...) I was searching for an image for this post online, and found an Australian charity that provides sleeping swags for homeless people.  The image above is from their site.  If you are interested, find it at:  http://www.swags.org.au/index.html

Why I'm not Left or Right wing

Lately, I have been involved in a number of conversations that have touched on liberal, vs. conservative values.  The home I grew up in was fairly conservative (although my parents were thoughtful people, and didn't always tow the "party line"), but over the years, I have come to embrace ideas and values that would be seen as much more liberal or left wing.  Despite this, I'm not comfortable with the label.  I'm not exactly a fence-sitting moderate, either - but  I remember telling a friend years ago, that I felt "Left" and "Right" divisions in politics were kind of artificial - and not on the matrix I wanted to use.  I couldn't explain it better (& luckily, my friend didn't ask me to).  It keeps coming up, though, so I want to nut it out a bit more clearly.

I think we are all inclined to interpret Jesus according to our own values.  (Heck, we are inclined to interpret EVERYTHING that way!!)  I and plenty of others have often pointed out that Jesus was not exactly a moralistic, conservative fellow, in spite of the way he is often presented.  But was he really a kind of 1st century hippie radical freak??  Did he even fit anywhere on the Right/Left continuum??

Rhetoric

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceful, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  
                                                                                            ~ James.

a beautiful striptease!

I took myself off to the movies, last night.  The local cinema is having an Italian film festival, which opened with a film starring Robert De Niro and Monica Bellucci; Manuale d'Amore (Manual of Love).  Watching beautiful Monica (Confession:  I am completely starstruck by her - she is a goddess!) and the one and only Robert De Niro together on screen - and  in Italian!!  Can't get much more romantic than that!  The movie was quite lovely, but one scene in particular took my breath away.

Divine Words

" All Scripture is God-breathed..."

                                                  St. Paul

I've been giving some thought to this, lately.

For most of my life I was taught, and accepted, that the Bible was "divinely inspired".  In my cultural tradition, this meant that every word in it was perfectly, literally accurate.  Six days to create the world.  Infallible history.  And every verse like a magic spell that could bend reality to fit the "correct" way of thinking about things.

I was even told that translation errors could not occur - because God was watching over His Word.  If just ONE verse turned out to be false, well then, you wouldn't be able to trust ANY of it!!  And woe betide anybody who dared twist it, or change even so much as a punctuation mark!

When you think about it - this has to produce a fearful kind of faith.  It implies that there is one

Family Stuff...

Every time I go to write a post like this, I wonder if I really should.  However, I've waved enough of my dirty laundry at the internet world already; my rants are there for all to see - and so, in my now well established tradition of being far too personal in public, I think it is time for an update on "the Big D".