Every time I go to write a post like this, I wonder if I really should. However, I've waved enough of my dirty laundry at the internet world already; my rants are there for all to see - and so, in my now well established tradition of being far too personal in public, I think it is time for an update on "the Big D".
Things are getting... easier!
We're still separated under one roof - which is awkward, and there is a BIG part of me that's just sooo tired of it and longing to really have my own space. I hope it is not too much longer before we can go the next step, but if I am honest, there have been some real benefits to the length of time it has taken.
The delay has helped us to slowly get used to each other under the "new arrangements". I think if Ian had moved out immediately it would have taken years, not months, for me to be able to have a relaxed conversation with him about anything. And THAT is very helpful, when you are still co-parenting.
On the subject of co-parenting; Ian has really stepped up to the plate and made an effort to be more affectionate and involved in the kids' lives. They have needed this. It would have been far more difficult from a distance.
It has been much, much, much easier on the kids! In the last couple of weeks, I got to hear both of them quite independently express to a third party (who knew I was concerned about the effect things might be having on them) that nothing is worse for them now, and significant things are, in fact, much better. It was a moment of grace, to be able to hear that.
Sometimes redemption takes an unexpected path... well, maybe a lot MORE than sometimes. In our situation, something difficult and atypical - that for a long time seemed as if it had NO solution in heaven or on earth - is healing. Maybe not healing according to the "established formula" - but this is life, not algebra - and I'm thankful.