Holy Crap!! (aka Prayer???)

What the????

Okay - I'm trying to be "interest catching" and controversial with that title...  I don't necessarily find the idea of prayer completely synonymous with "Holy Crap" - but often I think it is.  And, a bit of honesty (that may prompt knowing grins from my atheist friends, and exclamations along the lines of "aha!  I KNEW it!!" from some of my Christian friends...  )  At this point in my spiritual journey - I kinda...don't... pray.  I just don't.

If God isn't love...

I've been wondering whether to continue with the blog, however there's a thought rolling around in my

head that won't let me go, so here I am again!

I've realised something.  There are lots of ideas out there about what "God" is like.  They can't all be right - in fact, (& I guess this ought to be obvious) if we are talking about something as infinite as "God" - none of them can be, really.  I mean - nobody can possibly fit something that large into any kind of human explanation - not in its entirety, anyway.  But that isn't my realisation.

WHAT IF the notion that I hold dearly, that God is Love - and vice versa - is complete nonsense?  (I don't think it is but let's stay with that, for a moment, for argument's sake)   What if God REALLY is a demanding, legalistic, (dare I say, small minded, petty) tyrant, who insists on rigid rules and judges minor details of our lives, with eternal consequences....  (right now I'm looking at that description and wondering how something so petty and narrow could even be called God, but anyway...)

My List

I do love scribbly gums...  Seemed a nice way to make an image of my "list"

Well, I promised in THIS post, that I would come back and add my own "list" of stuff that has seemed to me, to show a glimmer of the ultimate...  If you've just stumbled into the conversation, we've been tossing around ideas on what "authentic spirituality" might be.  (Seems that's a question I ask a lot!).

Some of my wonderful blogging friends added their thoughts to the previous post, and ideas included intuitions of "something more", of connectedness to something greater, and ideals beyond physically tangible reality.  I can relate very much to all of those.  Here is my little list of the kinds of things in my own life that have seemed to touch on something "deeper":

• Profound family moments...  the birth of a baby is one example that is clear in my mind.  After my daughter, Hannah, was born I remember watching her asleep and feeling absolutely awed by both the presence, and the profound significance of this tiny person.  A whole personality, a whole life, a whole impact on the world around her yet to come...
  
  There's also just "something" about knowing someone closely enough to really glimpse the infinity within them - & I guess family, and those friends who are family too, is where that happens best.

Um... Hello??? (And launching right back in... Belief... and stuff!)

It's been so long, I'd almost forgotten what my blog looks like!  Anyone still out there??

Sorry for the long silence. Life has been a bit overwhelming over the last couple of months...  but I think I'm back!! :D

AND... I'm still trying to figure out how to write my "Big, Fat, Jesus Post".  Here is Attempt Mark II.

(If you missed it, and are interested; Attempt Mark I is HERE.  )

I think, perhaps, the best way to begin explaining where I think Jesus fits into the whole cosmic picture, is to talk about what authentic spirituality may or may not be...  because I believe that is what he embodies.  I know that's a BIG statement - but let's start a little smaller - and as always, please add your thoughts to the discussion too!

Image credit:  http://library.sasaustin.org/questioning.php

So what is "spirituality"?  Seems to me it is an active desire to find and understand both "ultimate reality", and "a better way".  For many people (myself included) this amounts to some kind of "search for God".  However I know many atheists who would also consider themselves spiritual by this definition - and I agree with them.

Subverting our Stories...

Image Credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/harisroussos/6841284929/

Alright.  Here's my latest "niggle".  What is unique about Jesus?  It's one of those hard questions that can't be answered glibly.  I grew up steeped in the tradition that says Jesus was, in fact, God incarnate.  And that he was the only incarnation of the one true God, to visit us in this way.  That's a very. big. claim.

So, if Jesus was the only human incarnation of the Creator God of the cosmos;  what would he be like?  What would be unique about him?  It seems to me that if the crucifixion of Christ is, indeed, the pivotal point of human history - then there has to be a whole lot more to it, than a substitutionary sacrifice to fulfil the demands of a religion - ANY religion.  That's just not big enough.

Now some of my Christian friends reading this will think I've finally lost the plot and fallen into heresy - and my atheist friends will be cheering because I've finally "seen the light" and abandoned my faith - but settle down, peeps - this is neither.

Speaking my Language

Being a school teacher, and having completed my degree relatively recently, I've spent a bit of time learning about a pedagogical philosophy (now there's a big word!) called constructivism.

The whole idea behind constructivism, is that people only ever really learn something new, if they can connect it in some way (or construct it) with something they already understand.  The implication for teaching, is that you need to start with what your students already know. If you're not helping them to build on their own existing understanding, you are not teaching them anything at all.  Makes sense to me! 

You can't teach the principles of multiplication, for example, to kids who can't count yet.  Or even to kids who can count, but don't yet fully understand addition.  Little ones just starting school have begun a journey that will take them to multiplication and beyond, but they are still a long way off.  They don't yet have the background concepts they will need.

So if this is the way all of us learn (and I think it is) what are the implications for understanding God as teacher?  If He is really about communicating with us, changing our hearts, and growing us from the inside...  wouldn't you expect Him to begin the conversation, in whatever form it takes, with what we already understand about the world?

In my Skin

A lot of stuff has been coming up, lately, on two themes.  One is "learning by experience, or by doing".  The other, is empathy, or identification with others.  I think those two themes overlap, significantly.

I think I am definitely one of those people who learn best, by doing.  And I suspect, even though we all have different "learning styles", that experience is always the best teacher.  I don't think you ever know anything fully, until you experience it for yourself.  

My new blogosphere buddy, Adrian, has been doing some kind of experiential program - where he and his wife are putting themselves through different experiences, in order to see things differently. Head over to life before the bucket for more info, if you're curious.  The story of Therese of Liseux, has also really stayed with me.  She was Catholic nun, who died of tuberculosis.  While she was ill (and dying) she found herself unable to experience God, or to hang on to any kind of faith or certainty.  This enabled her to understand and love atheists and those outside the faith, because she was "in their shoes".  She finally knew what they were experiencing, and had a sense of how they felt.

God of the Broken

 I really enjoyed hanging out at church this morning.  I'm slowly feeling more connected with the folks there (I haven't been attending there all that long) and am loving the sense of community, and the freedom and joy that so often comes across through what is shared.

I really enjoyed the singing, too - more than I have in a while.  I haven't been finding it easy to pray or to feel "connected" with God, of late (much as I value that) & it was a time when I felt I could just reach out and trust Him, if that makes sense.  It was what my soul needed.

But there was something I just couldn't quite do.  I couldn't sing the words of some of the songs, comfortably.  In fact, I ended up staying silent for bits, and at one point changed them to my own version.  Not that they were theologically wrong, or bad at all.  It's just...

Why Jesus makes NO sense!!

I visited my mum's church, a few weeks back.  I'm pretty uncomfortable with institutional church on the whole,  but this is one little community I think I could happily be a part of.   I have had a few contacts with them over the past few years, all of them positive.  The most significant was 2 years ago, when they mourned, with us, the death of my father.  So I guess that kinda makes them "extended family".  Their youth pastor, a guy named Joel Noonan (according to their website - I had not actually met him before) talked about Jesus' explanations of "The Kingdom of God" - and how totally confusing they can seem.  It's like a mustard seed, it's like a coin... it's like a farmer sowing seed...  Well, what is it, really??

He wryly recounted his visit to some church conference or other, where the visiting speaker had announced that he was going to explain very simply what the Kingdom of God meant - and then proceeded to list 47 different points intended to "simplify" our understanding (well, maybe not quite 47, but you get the idea) leaving his audience probably feeling more confused than ever before.

A God-Awful Day!

I don't really know how to blog about my day, without sounding either whingey, or really trite and twee - plus it involves exposing my (hopefully temporarily) tatty financial state & probably poor management of some things, to the blogosphere.  Nonetheless, I want to share - because right now, I'm just boggling with wonder!

Let me begin with our recent "series of unfortunate events".  (I was hoping the superstition that "bad things come in threes" was true... unfortunately if it is, our run of "bad luck" is not over yet - we've begun again - so I'm dropping that idea!)

With Us

Well I wasn't going to post over Christmas, and honestly, I've been feeling pretty low and uninspired.  However there's been a glimmer of something hopeful and peaceful that I thought I would share.

This has been a bit of a hard Christmas, so far.  (It's Christmas Day here now - I know my US friends still have one sleep to go!)  My extended family gets together on Boxing Day, so this afternoon, as I type, it is quiet and restful.   The kids and I are at my mum's now, having done the "usual" family Christmas morning thing at home, for the first time as a separated couple.  It was a bit rough.  On all of us, I think.  There was a bit of na-na-nastiness re Christmas arrangements yesterday... but it didn't last long.  Mostly it was just a bit awkward and sad.

Like all holidays, really, Christmas can sometimes be very tough.  The fact that we feel it is supposed to be all about love and togetherness just makes the lack of those things, where it exists, an extra raw

Divine Words

" All Scripture is God-breathed..."

                                                  St. Paul

I've been giving some thought to this, lately.

For most of my life I was taught, and accepted, that the Bible was "divinely inspired".  In my cultural tradition, this meant that every word in it was perfectly, literally accurate.  Six days to create the world.  Infallible history.  And every verse like a magic spell that could bend reality to fit the "correct" way of thinking about things.

I was even told that translation errors could not occur - because God was watching over His Word.  If just ONE verse turned out to be false, well then, you wouldn't be able to trust ANY of it!!  And woe betide anybody who dared twist it, or change even so much as a punctuation mark!

When you think about it - this has to produce a fearful kind of faith.  It implies that there is one

The Last Post

HA!  You thought I was going to get all military or memorial, didn't you??

Actually, this really IS a continuation of my last post!

Truth is I was just going to add a comment - but the comment grew so I'm posting it separately.


Okay -  I've been mulling over examples of powerful, triumphant love that I've seen.

First to come to mind (and I didn't "see" this one - but it has gone down in history!) Is the example of Martin Luther King Jr, and those incredibly brave souls who stood with him and faced violence and hatred - took it on themselves without retaliating, and defeated it with love.  Their sacrifice is still reverberating throughout history. I think both he and Ghandi spring immediately to mind whenever there's talk of "nonviolent resistance" - but reflecting on the courage and sacrifice of individuals who stood up for love and freedom - and the incredible power of their actions - fills me with awe and reverence still.

A more prosaic example;  When I was growing up, a hyperactive, tearaway wild thing wreaking

Unpacking the Story 1 - Judgement vs. Love

 A while back, I had a go at summarising the narrative of the Bible.  (See Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 if you missed it and are interested)  I talked a little bit about my reasons for doing it... partly because I think we have unwittingly twisted it into something else.  But also, (in fact, mainly) because I wanted to look at it again, if possible, with new eyes.  There has been a paradigm shift, a BIG one, going on inside me - & I wanted to check it out against the WHOLE story, and see if it really fit.

As it turned out, I really got a lot out of doing it.  I approached the Jesus bit with fear and trepidation, to be honest - I have NEVER really understood what the cross was all about.  Something about it just never made sense.  Reading Derek Flood's work (Penal Substitution vs. Christus Victor, in particular) was a great help.  It put into words a lot of the questions I'd had.  The picture of a bloodthirsty God requiring a life as payment for the smallest infringement... just didn't read like justice to me. 

So What was the cross all about?

I'd seen the garden, and a lot of the old Testament stuff, as the story of two competing worldviews.  The one most of us have (well, all of us, if we're honest) that judges other people, compares them to

Tasty words... I hope!

Here's a little offering, from 4am wakefulness... Hope you like it!

My Garden

Welcome to my garden of words;

Heart-grown and tender.

Full of youth and sap

and vigour

Or ready to seed

And fly on the wind

Reproducing

who knows where...

I AM

This beautiful image sourced from:  http://love1008.deviantart.com/art/Light-Symphonia-13-104283312

As a writer, I find that my words are most powerful when they are most "from the heart".  When I'm no longer just telling a story, or talking "about" something, but expressing who I truly am on the inside.  I love it when meaning glows, and the craft of writing fades invisibly behind it!

Words, ideas, concepts, philosophies; all fascinate me.  I studied a bit of linguistics at uni, and loved it! Examining the way sound waves, phoneme concepts, language conventions are all somehow used to convey meaning from one person to another was endlessly intriguing.  Communication is incredibly complex!!   No matter what the message or how it is conveyed, the concepts and ideas in the mind of the sender are NEVER quite the same as those in the mind of the receiver.  Sometimes

Retelling the Story 4

If you're just jumping into this, I've been slowly retelling the story of the Bible.  Why?  Well, because I think we have twisted it, and used it to say (in many ways) the absolute opposite of what it actually shows.  You may not agree...  but see how it strikes you!

See the beginning of the story here.
Some more thoughts on the message of the Old Testament story and the law here in Part 2
The beginning of the Jesus bit, here in Part 3

And we take up our story, now that Jesus has made the religious authorities angry enough to murder him, Here:
                                _______________________________________________

In a move that exposed the motives of the religious elite for what they truly were, the Jewish religious leaders conspired with the oppressive Roman rulers, to have God executed.  Money changed hands. Jesus was handed over, and the public was manipulated so that a notorious murderer was freed and Jesus, who had stood in every way for life and freedom, was condemned to die a murderer's death.

Jesus lived his death in exactly the same way he had lived his life.  No force.  No retaliation.  To

Retelling the Story... Part 3

This is part three of a series I've been working on for some time.  Use the links if you want to track back to Part 1, and Part 2

Well, it has been a while coming, but time to continue the story of us and God...  Where were we??
Oh yes - the law, then the prophets...  God crying for justice and relationship and then...

Nothing. 

For something like 400 years God was pretty much silent - at least, officially.  The Jewish nation hung onto the things that had been said;  that they were God's chosen, that He would bring a great King from the descendents of David, who would set things right.  And of course, they continued to follow the law.  In fact, they'd made quite an art form out of it.  Because Moses had said to keep God's laws in your hand and head, devout Jews literally wore Scriptures sewn into their clothing andheadgear.  Because there was a limit on how far you could walk from your front gate on the

Retelling the Story 2 - thoughts and mullings on the "law years"

Before we move on to the end of the years of "Law", I want to "zoom in" on some aspects. Those of you who are scholars and thinkers might like to correct or add to my thoughts, and I would love your input!!  Here are some things that stand out to me.

After relationships are broken, and paradise is lost, God continues to walk amongst humanity and relate to individuals. He chooses a man, Abraham, who is willing to trust and relate to him. Abraham's family is crazy and dysfunctional - but God gives them the opportunity to walk with and

Retelling the Story... Part 1

This is actually something I began months... and MONTHS... ago!
I'm still exploring these ideas. I'm not quite sure where it's all going. I'm putting this up, raw and unfinished as it is, because I think the answers to the questions I'm asking are crucial. And if I stick it up here - I will be obligated to finish the study!! Love to hear the thoughts of others on this stuff...

Just found another blog post that tells a little part of the blog story I've been trying to form in my mind for... ages!  Maybe it will help me actually get it into words. Al Lindskoog's post titled Amazing Grace, over at Communitas Collective points right at the spot I've been trying to direct my words towards.  Actually, quite a lot of Al's writings do (his blog is here, if you would like to wander through them) The bottom line is that the rules don't matter.  It's all about Grace. 

Don't misunderstand me - there is definitely such a thing as right and wrong.  Sin is real.  But living on that dividing line will kill you! It is the way of Grace that gives life.

Let me try and re-tell a familiar story...albeit very much simplified (after all, it is quite a challenge to fit 66 books into a few short paragraphs) but I wonder if you will see in it what I see!