Things I DON'T believe in.

I seem to be suffering from an ongoing case of "blogger's block" of late...  I think it is mostly due to the business of life;  work has been FULL on, lately, and (lucky me) the only times it hasn't been, I've fallen victim to the flu or some other rotten nasty bug (would you believe I and number one son are off to the doctor today, both with tonsillitis!), so a lot of things have been "on hold" for the last little while.

Percolating in the background, however, has been a desire to write a post about where I think the person of Jesus (you know, "Christ", "of Nazareth"... THAT Jesus!) fits into my thinking about life, faith, the universe, etc.  Part of my blogger's block, if I'm honest - is the fact that I find this confronting in a lot of ways.  It is a challenging post for me to write, and confronts not only what I believe, but how I live my life.  I know that I don't embody what I believe to be truth, anywhere NEAR enough.  And I think that's what it's all about - so to write about it is... confronting for me.

Anyway, enough of that.  I am going to ease myself into this via the "path of least resistance".  Today's post is not about what I believe at all - but what I definitely DON'T.  In a sense, it is far easier to be negative about religion and what is wrong with the world, than to BE the solution - but it is also useful to clarify where you are NOT, in order to see where you ARE (if that makes sense), so at the risk of sounding a bit negative, this is where I'm starting.  Bear with me!

What's more Real??

Image credit:  http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2011/mar/09/why-are-atoms-so-small

We are getting so "life, the universe and everything" here, of late - that some wiseguy is SURE to make the comment "42".  But if you don't mind adding a little chaos to your mental mix, come along for the ride!  There are sure to be more questions than answers, but I've fallen victim to an addictive fascination, so here we go again!!

I've been marvelling at the infinite nature of human consciousness (here and here, if you missed it), and the fact that our own "internal worlds" are immeasurably vast, and able to both represent and transcend the physical universe, in so many ways.  The physical universe and our own biology certainly do place limits on us, and far more than I think we like to believe.  There are many ways in which our behaviour and thinking can be seen as very much "biologically determined".  I get that.  And I know we are adept at inventing fictitious (or at least, semi-fictitious) explanations for our own motivations and actions, fooling even ourselves - so this really is a complex puzzle to tease apart.  

However, as much as I pull and poke at my understanding of ourselves and our universe - I continue to see something infinitely larger than the sum of our atoms.

Women and Men

Image Credit:  genderpolicyforum.wordpress.com

I've never thought of myself as a real "girly-girl", but I've spent a bit of time lately in the company of women - and it has been absolutely wonderful!

You know, at their best, women are honest, communicative, warm, supportive, and my GOD, we are strong!!  The other day, I sat in a cafe nook with a couple of the women from the poetry group I've joined.  Both older than me (closer in age to my mother) - but it felt like time with sisters.  We talked and laughed, and shared.  I got to know them in ways that their public personas never reveal... and was awestruck by their strength and dignity, SO hard-won in the struggles and challenges of their lives.  I got to hear them share about the ways they have adjusted to the difficulties and disappointments of life, love and relationships, often making choices that meant great personal sacrifice - yet never in any way diminishing their knowledge of their own value and personhood.  Sitting there, I saw women who had found their worth, and knew it was not in the needs or estimation of any other person.  It was both humbling and inspiring.

Chatting with another woman friend this morning, the talk turned to "motherhood", and the ways in which we as women tend to "hold it all together" socially and relationally, for our families.  She is a mum who has until recently homeschooled a daughter with special needs, is now an advocate for her as she transfers to formal schooling, is dealing with significant health challenges faced by both her daughter and herself - and in spite of seemingly never-ending challenges, is looking to the future, celebrating some wonderful successes, and remaining strong.  When I talk with her, I get the sense that she is creating a world of opportunities around her family and herself, and teaching her daughter to do the same.

Sometimes it seems, in our culture, that women do all the nurturing, give of themselves, hold their relational worlds together for the sake of others,   while our men focus on wage-earning, live on some kind of "auto-pilot" and become more and more disconnected from their families and the real heart of life.

Virtual Reality?

This meme has been doing the rounds of facebook, lately.  And it connects, at least slightly, with something I've been thinking on.  Especially the bit about "Creating the rainbow".  I find it fascinating, that the whole universe of our experience as conscious beings is produced by neurons in our heads.  In actual fact, we each experience our own "virtual reality", played on the screen of our mind.  How much does this equate to "actual" reality?  That's quite a question!!

Pausing to listen

Image Credit:  simplenomics.com

It's ironic, but for a person who is seeking to understand others better, I am a shocking listener.

It's true.  My kids will shout loud in agreement - it's something they regularly complain about!  Even right now, at this moment, here I am with my head engaged with a computer keyboard, formulating something I want to say - and if my daughter decides she wants to talk to me, she's gonna get frustrated because I likely won't hear her, first time 'round.

More than Listening

 

I had planned to write about something else today, but there's a conundrum gnawing at my brain, and it won't let me go until I tussle with it, so here goes...

This week, I posted videos by two quite different thinkers, Peter Rollins and Alain de Botton.  Rollins is a Christian theologian.  De Botton is an Atheist philosopher.  In spite of this, the two have something in common.  I think the "something" is listening (which was also the something I had planned to write about today).  They are both men who are prepared to listen, and, even more than listening, to actually evaluate their own beliefs and behaviour through the perspective of the "other". 

So you might expect their perspectives to mesh, quite nicely;  but whilst there are some points of agreement (the importance of listening being the biggest) their perspectives do. not. sit. comfortably. together. at. all.

And for me, the thing I find utterly compelling when I listen to both is NOT their agreement, but the jagged dissonance that exists between them. 

On Blog Stats

The other day I posted on facebook, that my blog had reached 4, 444 pageviews.

It just seemed kind of an awesome number!  Four fours aside, have THAT many people really looked at my blog???

In actual fact, it has taken over two years to reach that figure, and quite a large number of those hits were just me... checking on comments, obsessing about whether I'd said things "right".  This blog is not big.  But, like any writer, I get an amazing sense of fulfillment and satisfaction when people actually read my stuff.

Of course, in response to my little bit of self-indulgent crowing, the pageviews have dropped this week (yes, I do obsess a bit over them - I know it's silly!) and there were fewer comments (just so you know, I LOVE comments :)

But that got me thinking.

I don't think I've ever really expected my blog to get "BIG".  Some of the blogs I follow have comment threads so long that it takes half the day just to read through all the responses.  There are times when it just becomes a bunch of loudmouthed religious people crapping on, but for the most part, there is real dialogue and a sense of community - people listening to others and valuing their thoughts.  I love that!

But quite apart from the fact that I don't have any recognisable credentials at all, to be talking about this stuff (well, apart from the fact that I'm me, and this is more or less about my own ruminations) I think there's a very real reason, why the blogosphere is probably never going to start flocking here en masse.

A Modern Parable

The Big theme for me this week, is over and over, the need to identify with those "outside".  AND, I just discovered Peter Rollins.  His name seems to bounce around the blogosphere a bit - but until now I'd never heard him speak or read any of his stuff.  I think that's gonna change!

Enough from me - have a listen to this parable.  How does it sit with you?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

In my Skin

A lot of stuff has been coming up, lately, on two themes.  One is "learning by experience, or by doing".  The other, is empathy, or identification with others.  I think those two themes overlap, significantly.

I think I am definitely one of those people who learn best, by doing.  And I suspect, even though we all have different "learning styles", that experience is always the best teacher.  I don't think you ever know anything fully, until you experience it for yourself.  

My new blogosphere buddy, Adrian, has been doing some kind of experiential program - where he and his wife are putting themselves through different experiences, in order to see things differently. Head over to life before the bucket for more info, if you're curious.  The story of Therese of Liseux, has also really stayed with me.  She was Catholic nun, who died of tuberculosis.  While she was ill (and dying) she found herself unable to experience God, or to hang on to any kind of faith or certainty.  This enabled her to understand and love atheists and those outside the faith, because she was "in their shoes".  She finally knew what they were experiencing, and had a sense of how they felt.

Why Jesus makes NO sense!!

I visited my mum's church, a few weeks back.  I'm pretty uncomfortable with institutional church on the whole,  but this is one little community I think I could happily be a part of.   I have had a few contacts with them over the past few years, all of them positive.  The most significant was 2 years ago, when they mourned, with us, the death of my father.  So I guess that kinda makes them "extended family".  Their youth pastor, a guy named Joel Noonan (according to their website - I had not actually met him before) talked about Jesus' explanations of "The Kingdom of God" - and how totally confusing they can seem.  It's like a mustard seed, it's like a coin... it's like a farmer sowing seed...  Well, what is it, really??

He wryly recounted his visit to some church conference or other, where the visiting speaker had announced that he was going to explain very simply what the Kingdom of God meant - and then proceeded to list 47 different points intended to "simplify" our understanding (well, maybe not quite 47, but you get the idea) leaving his audience probably feeling more confused than ever before.

The Furore (about Mars Hill and "that" viral video)

Seems my ruminations on control in relationships were quite timely.  A couple of things seem to have really stirred up the blogosphere this week, and in my mind they both relate.

Since the blogosphere is largely American, and the fuss may not have filtered through to all my Aussie readers ...  I will briefly repeat what is now "old news".  A large and influential mega-church in the States has come under fire for the abusive use of "church discipline" towards one of its members.  At the same time, a video has gone viral, in which a young man explains passionately in poetry why he loves Jesus, but hates "religion".

The whole story on the church abuse thing is very well documented here, and the viral video can be found here.  (And thank you, Winn Collier, whose thoughtful post first got me involved in this conversation)

The church abuse story, to me, just smacks of everything that is wrong with "religion".  Rules over people, control, judgment, blind adherence to some kind of "formula" at the expense of human lives.  And following Jesus, and avoiding "religion" has been a bit of a mantra of mine, for some time now.  Yet Jeff Bethke's video sat uneasily with me.

Letting go...

This post is probably going to be more questions and ruminations than answers or great wisdom...  but some thoughts on love and friendship have been rolling around in my head, and I thought I'd let them out for some air!

I truly believe that love is everything.  Relationships are what matters.  The rest is secondary.  But every human relationship is an interactive dance...  finding that beautiful and delicate balance between you and I, between desiring and controlling, between freedom and obligation...

Our relationships with one another can be the most sustaining, or the most damaging forces in our lives.  We are designed to relate to one another.  We are each of us part of a family, a community, and a society.  Beyond that, we belong to the complex interweaving of life that is our world.  We are not simply individuals.  Our relationships are part of us - and when they are broken, part of us is broken too.

So.

How do we dance that delicate dance, without treading on toes or forcing others in directions only we want to go?  How do we sustain healthy relationships without being pushed, coerced, or shackled into heavy and unsustainable obligations? 

The "M" Word.

Lots has been coming my way, about the institution of marriage.  I was recently sent an email, with links to pro-marriage information.  This was a response to current legislative changes being debated, regarding the legal definition of marriage.  Another friend had a bit of a vent on facebook this morning, about married men she had heard speaking incredibly disrespectfully of their wives...  and of course, for me, the subject is very personal - as my marriage is ending.