Heady Brew

A Modern Parable

2012-02-13T15:37:00.002+11:00

The Big theme for me this week, is over and over, the need to identify with those "outside". AND, I just discovered Peter Rollins. His name gets mentioned frequently on liberal Christian blogs - but until now I'd never heard him speak or read any of his stuff. I think that's gonna change!

Enough from me - have a listen to this parable. How does it sit with you? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

In my Skin

2012-02-11T13:53:00.001+11:00

A lot of stuff has been coming up, lately, on two themes. One is "learning by experience, or by doing". The other, is empathy, or identification with others. I think those two themes overlap, significantly.

I think I am definitely one of those people who learn best, by doing. And I suspect, even though we all have different "learning styles", that experience is always the best teacher. I don't think you ever know anything fully, until you experience it for yourself.

My new blogosphere buddy, Adrian, has been doing some kind of experiential program - where he and his wife are putting themselves through different experiences, in order to see things differently. Head over to life before the bucket for more info, if you're curious. The story of Therese of Liseux, has also really stayed with me. She was Catholic nun, who died of tuberculosis. While she was ill (and dying) she found herself unable to experience God, or to hang on to any kind of faith or certainty. This enabled her to understand and love atheists and those outside the faith, because she was "in their shoes". She finally knew what they were experiencing, and had a sense of how they felt.

So how does this sit with you?

Jesus was named "Emmanuel" "God with Us" before he was even born.

We are told that he is a "high priest who can identify fully with our weakness" - because he came and walked, not just in our shoes, but in our very skin.

Sounds a bit blasphemous to say that God ever needed to "learn" anything... maybe he didn't. Maybe it was only so we could see how deeply he identified with us, that he became human. I really don't know.

But one thing is clear to me. Jesus wasn't content to just use words. He wasn't content to bandy around ideas, or espouse a philosophy. He went the whole way. He experienced what it is like to be us. He walked in our skin.

And I think that is the kind of love we need to be showing to those around us, who we might see as "different"to ourselves. Love is never academic, or philosophical. It has skin on. And sometimes it requires getting inside someone else's skin, in order to really understand where they're at.

Have you ever had an experience that taught you something you thought you already knew? I love it when "life" rocks our paradigms. If you have, I'd love to hear about it!

Image: In my Skin, by Beth Halem: http://www.rareartist.org/gallery/artwork/7

Friday Rest-Fest

2012-02-10T19:01:00.002+11:00

It's official! Heady Brew is about to host a Friday blog series on rest!

Although I already have some fantastic contributions, I really think this is a series that shouldn't be rushed. Hence, one post per week, for as long as the series lasts. I've picked Fridays, because for most of us, that's the end of the working week, when we start to kick back and relax, and hopefully, when we also have a little more time to think and reflect.

There is already plenty of good stuff to look forward to (& although I am busting to get it all out there, I am determinedly resisting the urge to rush this!)

Here's the plan, so far:

Friday, Feb 17th - Introductory post by ... yours truly!

Friday, Feb 24th - Much anticipated reflection on keeping a Sabbath, by Adrian Waller

Friday, March 2nd - Rest is a state of mind, by my old friend, Ian Metcalfe. (Loving the fact that Ian decided to contribute - he is a passionate atheist, and I am really honoured to have his viewpoint on this blog.)

Friday March 9, and Friday March 16 (not exactly sure which order) - Some thoughts on Buddhist meditation, by another dear friend of mine, Andrew Cook. Andrew is not a blogger, but probably should be - and I am really looking forward to his perspective. (& Andrew, if you're reading this, you're committed now, mate!!)

Biblical rest, or something along those lines, by Josh Miller. Josh is my youngest sibling. He's also an (ex?) pentecostal pastor, a theologian, and a deep thinker. We've had lots of conversations about the place of rest in the Christian faith, and I know his thoughts will be worth sharing.

And the series is still open. If you have a perspective you'd like to share - there's still plenty of time, and I'd love to hear from you! If you'd like to join in the Rest-Fest as a guest blogger, just send me an email: kerrywhalen0@gmail.com

Image Credit: http://web.mac.com/thartrich/TGIF/TGIF___Cal_Poly_San_Luis_Obispo.html

Can you add to the Rest???

2012-02-08T15:24:00.003+11:00

Okay, so here's the thing.

This year, I have determined to learn how to rest better. (There's a story behind this, but I'll share that later)

I've realised that for years - no, decades! - I have pushed myself past my limits, carried constant stress, and even in periods where I was "veging", "taking it easy" or being just plain lazy - I wasn't really resting well. I had never learned to really switch it all off and REST. This year is my year of learning to rest. I am actually getting better at it - and the result is a more relaxed, more productive, and definitely happier me.

SO...

I want to host a blog series. I've got a couple of hot bloggers lined up already (Adrian, from Life Before the Bucket, has agreed to share his Sabbath experience with us - I am over the moon!!) and I'm hoping a couple of my friends, including my brother, Josh, will contribute the unique perspectives I know they have.

And I'm throwing this wide open! Do YOU have a unique perspective on "Rest" that you'd like to share? Maybe you're a sleep therapist? You've discovered meditation?? Did you have an experience that taught you the value of rest, or how to rest well?? Doesn't worry me if you are a theologian, or an atheist... I think we all have something to contribute!

If you'd like to jump in... shoot me an email at kerrywhalen0@gmail.com & just let me know the general direction of what you'd like to post. I'm almost certain to fit you in!!

Can't wait to hear from you!!

PS. This series is focusing on rest - but if there's something else you're burning to share, try me! The blog is open!

Places I've been...

2012-02-08T09:13:00.001+11:00

Identity with Atheists
Richard Beck posted some thoughts last week on the life of Therese of Liseux. I don't come from a tradition that makes much of "saints", and had never heard of her. Therese went through an intense crisis of faith during the illness that led to her death. For her, this led to a deep sense of solidarity and empathy with atheists and those 'outside' the faith. Something about the way she identified so totally with those "others" was, to me, a beautiful and deeply moving picture of Christ.

Real Stuff

Glenn Hager, over at Communitas Collective, wrote some soul-nourishing words about the messiness of life. His observation: that the hard places, and the "real stuff" of life is where you find a real God. Words I needed to hear - again.

Rest
Adrian, over at Life before the Bucket, is experimenting with Sabbath-keeping. That's something I have some thoughts about, and may even post about it myself... however I think for Adrian and his lovely wife, Kalyn, the exercise is more about finding a rhythm between work and rest - always a good thing!

Life Before the Bucket is a new blog discovery for me - but really seems a great place to "drop in"! While you're over there, check out the Drawbridge post - & join in the game! It's as thought provoking as it is fun!

God of the Broken

2012-02-05T22:02:00.001+11:00

I really enjoyed hanging out at church this morning. I'm slowly feeling more connected with the folks there (I haven't been attending there all that long) and am loving the sense of community, and the freedom and joy that so often comes across through what is shared.

I really enjoyed the singing, too - more than I have in a while. I haven't been finding it easy to pray or to feel "connected" with God, of late (much as I value that) & it was a time when I felt I could just reach out and trust Him, if that makes sense. It was what my soul needed.

But there was something I just couldn't quite do. I couldn't sing the words of some of the songs, comfortably. In fact, I ended up staying silent for bits, and at one point changed them to my own version. Not that they were theologically wrong, or bad at all. It's just...

For me, the words of some of the popular christian songs that are around at the moment sound, rather than affirmations of the wonder of God, like affirmations of our own "rightness". Declarations of the privileged place of "christian culture", if you like. I don't know that this was ever the intent of the songwriters, and I am sure nobody is singing them with that in the forefront of their minds... but to me it is there, as an insidious subscript. And, what's more, I think for those outside the Church, it is probably a GLARING script - nothing "sub" about it!!

The phrase that I found difficult, this morning, was the phrase "Our God". It crops up in more than a few currently popular songs. One they love to sing at my kids' school, has words that go

Our God is greater,

Our God is stronger

God you are higher than any other...

The one we were singing this morning, was that lovely, reverent song by Christ Tomlin "How Great is Our God". I actually really like this song (well, both, actually) but the "our God" bit sits awkwardly with me.

As we were singing, I wanted to ask questions like: "Our God? Who is Us? "

Do you mean "The God of got-it-all-together-signs-and-wonders-pentecostals"? Somehow that seems too small.

Do you mean "The God of theologically correct christian conservatives who subscribe to right doctrine"? Hmmm. Still too small.

Do you mean "The God of everyone who uses the name Jesus in their worship" - Wow! That could be dangerous! And, somehow, I STILL think it's too small.

For me, I want to sing to the God of the broken. The God of all who seek Him - and those who don't. The God who gave, and continues to give Himself for the messed up, the hurting, the angry, the self-righteous, the haters, the angst ridden seekers and the blissfully ignorant. The God who is "God with Us" - all those who need Him. Now that's an "Us" I can feel part of.

Image Credit: Andy Goldsworthy installation. Image from www.52photographers.com

Why Jesus makes NO sense!!

2012-02-02T16:39:00.003+11:00

I visited my mum's church, a few weeks back. I'm pretty uncomfortable with institutional church on the whole, but this is one little community I think I could happily be a part of. I have had a few contacts with them over the past few years, all of them positive. The most significant was 2 years ago, when they mourned, with us, the death of my father. So I guess that kinda makes them "extended family". Their youth pastor, a guy named Joel Noonan (according to their website - I had not actually met him before) talked about Jesus' explanations of "The Kingdom of God" - and how totally confusing they can seem. It's like a mustard seed, it's like a coin... it's like a farmer sowing seed... Well, what is it, really??

He wryly recounted his visit to some church conference or other, where the visiting speaker had announced that he was going to explain very simply what the Kingdom of God meant - and then proceeded to list 47 different points intended to "simplify" our understanding (well, maybe not quite 47, but you get the idea) leaving his audience probably feeling more confused than ever before.

Joel's take on this, (and one that I totally agree with!) is that Jesus was not outlining a system of thought, a set of rules and measures, or a philosophy. He was drawing pictures of something internal - Heart stuff. A political Kingdom is an entity, but also an idea. Ask somebody what it is, and they will tell you that it is a part of the world under the headship of a monarch (or something along those lines). Not so hard to explain. But a Kingdom of the heart? Well that is a bit harder to define. Maybe not so much harder, but requiring a different language. Ask someone to tell you what LOVE is, and they are likely to resort to this language. They might give you an analogy that creates a picture... It becomes a whole lot fuzzier and hard to encapsulate in just a few words. Although, really - most of us understand what it is, at least in part.

I think everything ABOUT Jesus is like that.

And I think he deliberately refused to be pigeonholed according to any rules, sets of principles, or propositional truths. He wasn't ABOUT that. He came to embody God/Love. He came to embrace us - physically - within the parameters of our own small reality. He came to show us that it all starts with relationship. And you can talk about relationship (Whether it's with God, the pretty girl down the road, or your pet cat!), write blog posts, even books about it... but it's all just talk. None of that is even part of being in one. Relationships have to be lived.

I'm not diminishing the value of thought and intellect, one iota, by the way. There are some great books and articles on relationships out there, and lots of words written that are valuable - if you are in one! But have you ever noticed that your understanding of relationships tends to grow mainly with time, and living and loving through the messy business of life? A good article or book might help with some aspect as you struggle through it, but the learning is really in the struggle; the living out.

Back to Joel's excellent chat about God's Kingdom. He finished by holding up a banana (Australians love bananas a LOT at the moment, since they have just recently become affordable again!) Describing what a banana looks like, its texture, or even its taste, might give some poor Aussie who's forgotten what they taste like, a vague idea. But the only way to really find out - is to take a bite and experience it for yourself!

A God-Awful Day!

2012-01-30T21:31:00.001+11:00

I don't really know how to blog about my day, without sounding either whingey, or really trite and twee - plus it involves exposing my (hopefully temporarily) tatty financial state & probably poor management of some things, to the blogosphere. Nonetheless, I want to share - because right now, I'm just boggling with wonder!

Let me begin with our recent "series of unfortunate events". (I was hoping the superstition that "bad things come in threes" was true... unfortunately if it is, our run of "bad luck" is not over yet - we've begun again - so I'm dropping that idea!)
And before I begin my litany of woe, let me just say, that I love my life, and hiccups aside - I feel like a very blessed woman!

Financially, things have been rather tight for a while. Mainly because I had chosen NOT to pursue extra work last year. I still feel it was a good choice for a number of reasons, but our budgetary "safety margin" has grown alarmingly thin as a result, which has felt a bit scary. It's been one of those periods where you cross your fingers and toes and hope that nothing breaks, and no unforseens crop up to break the shoestring! (Don't panic - I have more work in a few weeks, so I'm sure we'll survive)

However... Just before Christmas, there was the lawnmower problem. We ended up with the longest, messiest lawn in the neighbourhood (which outside our half-renovated house made us look like a real family of hobos!) BOTH the lawnmowers broke down and refused to start. The comedy of errors involved in getting just one of them fixed... and the length of time it took, is actually quite a funny story in itself (now that the frustration is over) - but wayyy too long for this post.

Before the lawnmower issue was even resolved, Christmas was upon us. Ian and I had gone halves in some ipods for the kids. This was in spite of the budget being reeeeaally tight (school holidays for casual teachers can be lean times, even without any extra factors!). I scrimped on stocking fillers and other stuff, which kept it sane - but under the circumstances, it seemed like a big investment. Oh I forgot to mention my laptop! My precious computer that I use for blogging, and work, that has ALL my electronic school resources and half my life on it... was the victim of a cup of chamomile tea! It wasn't a massive spill... but the keyboard is now dead. (I'm getting by, plugging a spare desktop keyboard in for now, until the budget loosens up enough to send it in for repairs). So there was that... and a day or two later, Hannah dropped her 10 day old ipod and smashed it. Badly. There were tears. But, there was nothing that could really be done. A little lesson in "life". We took it on the chin (even Hannah, after the initial trauma). After all, only a few more weeks, and money coming in would make things more comfortable again. What else could go wrong??

The HOT WATER service! That's what!!! We woke up one morning to find there was no hot water in the house, and further investigation revealed that the water heater was D.E.A.D. Sigh. At least it is summer, we are on holidays... Camping-style baths for a while..

Which brings us to today. After valiantly budgeting, catching up on overdue bills and getting everything back to almost normal (except that there is still no hot water, and nothing extra coming in) my CAR broke down. Not just a little breakdown. A scary-noises-and-smoke-type-breakdown!! A "forget driving this heap anywhere it's time to tow it - maybe throw it" type breakdown. And I hadn't renewed my NRMA membership (put it off to pay other bills) And I didn't have enough money in the bank after paying off the kids' school shoes, to pay for towing. TALK about timing!!

So here's how my God-Awful day went, from that point. Fortunately, the breakdown was on the outskirts of our village. The kids deserted me and walked home, leaving me alone with a smoking, seriously overheated car (at that point, my plan was to let it cool down, then try to drive it home, so I was happy for them to go on ahead). It had been making a VERY nasty noise, though - and after some thought, I decided perhaps driving it was not such a great idea. But I had a car full of groceries and newly purchased school shoes, and a twenty minute walk to home. I decided (after a quick phone consult with my brother - who had a work appointment and couldn't come to my rescue right then, but was nonetheless very helpful) to just take the cold groceries, walk home, and organise towing later.

As I was getting the cold things out of the boot, a car (displaying P plates - I will never say anything disparaging about P plate drivers again!!) slowed down. The young man inside leaned out and asked if I needed a lift into the village. He helped me transfer ALL the groceries, not just the cold stuff, picked up my son halfway, and took us right to our door.

After a little thought, I decided there was no point bringing the car home (it was obviously well and truly cooked). I rang the NRMA. They let me not only renew my overdue membership, but upgrade it to one that included free towing, WAIVING the upgrade charge. Wow!! So... A booking was put in for the local NRMA to come check it out, and just make sure it couldn't be driven any further. The NRMA guy turned out to be my neighbour from a couple of doors down. When he realised I had to walk out of town to meet him at the car, he drove out of his way and picked me up. Then dropped me home again, once the verdict (seriously cooked, unfortunately) was reached. We organised that the tow truck driver would call 20 mins in advance, so I could walk out and give him the keys when he got there. There was a wait (which wasn't a problem, since I was at home doing the waiting). When he rang, as soon as he realised I was about to hike out to meet him, he immediately offered to come get me! Talk about generous! I LOVE country people!!! He came to pick me up - and when he realised I wasn't travelling with the car to the workshop, he just took the key and sorted it all for me.

Then the icing on the cake. As far as I knew, there was next-to-no money in the bank, and I had no way of actually paying the mechanic, without borrowing. When I went to check the balance, some money we'd been expecting was there early - and was very substantially more than I'd thought it would be. When I checked the mortgage owing for the month (thinking I'd still have to spend a good chunk of the windfall topping that up, before any car repairs (or maybe replacement...) could even be contemplated. I'm not sure how, but the mortgage was actually in advance - NOTHING to pay!

From the kindness of a whole string of people, to the surprise discovery of unexpected funds - a potentially disastrous day has actually felt amazingly blessed. I feel loved, and cradled by God. In fact, I feel like my "awful day" has had God all over it!! And yes, I know every good thing that fell into place could be explained as "coincidence", but I sent up a little prayer, and my gut is resonating with the surety that, in spite of recent failures, stuff ups and general disconnectedness from Him, he's still faithful, and still loves me. Still not sure what the fate of the car will be - but I have a feeling it's all in hand!

The Furore (about Mars Hill and "that" viral video)

2012-01-28T09:42:00.000+11:00

Seems my ruminations on control in relationships were quite timely. A couple of things seem to have really stirred up the blogosphere this week, and in my mind they both relate.

Since the blogosphere is largely American, and the fuss may not have filtered through to all my Aussie readers ... I will briefly repeat what is now "old news". A large and influential mega-church in the States has come under fire for the abusive use of "church discipline" towards one of its members. At the same time, a video has gone viral, in which a young man explains passionately in poetry why he loves Jesus, but hates "religion".

The whole story on the church abuse thing is very well documented here, and the viral video can be found here. (And thank you, Winn Collier, whose thoughtful post first got me involved in this conversation)

The church abuse story, to me, just smacks of everything that is wrong with "religion". Rules over people, control, judgment, blind adherence to some kind of "formula" at the expense of human lives. And following Jesus, and avoiding "religion" has been a bit of a mantra of mine, for some time now. Yet Jeff Bethke's video sat uneasily with me.

Certainly, Jeff is angry at all the same things that make me steam at the ears. Wars over dogma, condemnation of people, self-righteous bigotry... I don't need to list anymore, really. That stuff makes us ALL mad - at least, when someone else is doing it!

And I truly believe that Jesus was and is the absolute antithesis of these things. I really think he DID come to break the stranglehold of man-made, condemning religion, and to set things right - not in a doctrinal or philosophical way, but relationally.

So why did the video make me uncomfortable? Although it pointed to a bunch of things that really ARE problems associated with religion, it kinda made me feel like yet another "us and them" was being created. You know, "Us" who are hip and cool and always real, and not religious, versus those "others" who get it all wrong, and abuse people with our Bibles and rigid "rightness". A bit like "here, that dogma isn't working for you, try this new one..." To be fair, I doubt that was Bethke's intent - but that's how it made me feel.

It's right to get mad at abuses of power and indoctrination, and all the other horrible stuff that goes along with religion-gone-wrong. But the answer is not to have a better formula for "church discipline" (yuck), to get our church heirarchies established in a more egalitarian fashion (though that wouldn't be a bad thing), or even to get our doctrine "correct" (oh good luck with that one!!).

The whole point has always been relationships. You can't write a formula for them. You have to live them out. Messily. With love. And always with listening and grace. Yes - relationships have boundaries. Honest relationships mean truthful (and therefore, at times, difficult or challenging) communication. There's room in a real relationship, to be straight with one another if things aren't going right. To "call a spade, a spade", as they say. To have a squabble, even. In healthy relationships, we believe and expect the best of one another. But you always know you're valued, welcome, loved and cared for - even when you don't measure up.

When we lose sight of relationships, and start using formulae, doctrines, or whatever... then you get "religion-gone-wrong". For me, that's what was missing in the video. Trying to correct ideas with ideas... just leaves you with more damn ideas.

Oh I could go on and on, but I'm already starting to ramble. And this girl who has spent far too much time talking about it, is going to get off the internet now and go and try to live it.

Image credit: http://davidisms.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/agree-to-disagree/ (just found it on an image search... but it's a nice little article!)

Letting go...

2012-01-26T12:26:00.001+11:00

This post is probably going to be more questions and ruminations than answers or great wisdom... but some thoughts on love and friendship have been rolling around in my head, and I thought I'd let them out for some air!

I truly believe that love is everything. Relationships are what matters. The rest is secondary. But every human relationship is an interactive dance... finding that beautiful and delicate balance between you and I, between desiring and controlling, between freedom and obligation...

Our relationships with one another can be the most sustaining, or the most damaging forces in our lives. We are designed to relate to one another. We are each of us part of a family, a community, and a society. Beyond that, we belong to the complex interweaving of life that is our world. We are not simply individuals. Our relationships are part of us - and when they are broken, part of us is broken too.

So.

How do we dance that delicate dance, without treading on toes or forcing others in directions only we want to go? How do we sustain healthy relationships without being pushed, coerced, or shackled into heavy and unsustainable obligations?

If we simply disconnect from others - there are no complications, but no relationship either. I suspect the key is to hold onto our love for others, to our sense of their value as beloved, wonderful children of God. But to let go of ... I don't know... expectations?? Not even that quite fits. I think perhaps the word I'm groping for here is control. Face it. We can't control the decisions or behaviour of another. All we can do is decide how WE will respond. We can't change what another person says or does - but we can choose whether or not we will let it control US.

My kids are teenagers now (well, the youngest is not quite 13 - close enough) and it is more and more apparent that I can't actually make them do anything. (nor should I have to, at their age!). However I can choose what I am prepared to tolerate, and how I will respond. I gave up nagging them to clean their rooms a long time ago - it wasn't working. However I have a rule that I will not take them or allow them to go out, unless their room is in order & a few basic chores are done. Simple. They bucked at the rule for a while - but the choice is really theirs. I am not their slave, and they have a choice to make, knowing what the consequences for them are likely to be. That's life.

If we protect people from the natural consequences of their own choices, we are not allowing them to take control of their own lives. It could be something as simple as my kids keeping their rooms tidy. But the same idea of neither controlling, nor being controlled, extends to every area of life.

I think my own, personal "relationship lesson", for now, is to insist on only one thing, for both myself and those I am close to - that we all keep control of our own stuff - and let go of each other's!

Image Credit: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/06/hands-may-help/

Just Breathe

2012-01-13T09:05:00.000+11:00

So now, in sunny Australia, we are having our summer holidays. I have to tell you, I truly love January. Christmas and New Year rush is over, and we have nearly a whole month where the pace slows, the pressures of work and school disappear, the weather is generally gorgeous.... and I can finally breathe.

There have been a few really significant moments of clarity in my otherwise muddled and messy life. I think it's safe to say that all of these moments followed a really significant amount of "breathing space", of one kind or another. In 2010, 6 months or more of being unwell and out of work turned out to be the greatest gift I could receive. I found myself again (not that I was looking - I didn't even realise I'd lost me, I'd been so busy!). And other really important realisations - and I mean realisations of the mind-blowing, paradigm altering, life-changing kind - all seem to have arrived after a period of quietness and inactivity.

I've just had almost three weeks of beautiful, soul-restoring space. In fact, New Year's Day found me abandoning myself to the quietness of nature on a Nelson Bay beach, with my dear friends Ginny and Russ. It was the sort of restful, almost meditative day, that just seems to embalm you in peace (thanks, guys!) and I am claiming that kind of restfulness as my theme for 2012. Last week, the kids and I were able to get away camping along with the wonderful Jacobs family. It was only three days, but it was the most beautiful, isolated place. No phone or internet (no reception). All we did was sit by the river, dip in the river, fish in the river, eat by the river, bathe in the river.... I brought the peacefulness of that river back home with me.

My moment of clarity? Nothing that will shake the earth and rock all your boats. I reached the end of last year tired, and torn in a few different directions. Deliberately taking time out has helped me regain my balance. Some pressures I'd taken on board, I'm just letting go. I didn't think I was overworked... but I'd become overbusy. And I was numbing myself with too much running around, too much internet, and wayyyy too much vino. I'm not letting that happen again.

So life is slowly getting back to normal. We have a couple more weeks of holidays left, but preparations for school have started, and I'm getting back to my garden and the ongoing renovations. But I'm doing it peacefully. Keeping my balance. And if things get too hectic and muddled again?? Well that beautiful river is always waiting!!

With Us

2011-12-25T14:59:00.000+11:00

Well I wasn't going to post over Christmas, and honestly, I've been feeling pretty low and uninspired. However there's been a glimmer of something hopeful and peaceful that I thought I would share.

This has been a bit of a hard Christmas, so far. (It's Christmas Day here now - I know my US friends still have one sleep to go!) My extended family gets together on Boxing Day, so this afternoon, as I type, it is quiet and restful. The kids and I are at my mum's now, having done the "usual" family Christmas morning thing at home, for the first time as a separated couple. It was a bit rough. On all of us, I think. There was a bit of na-na-nastiness re Christmas arrangements yesterday... but it didn't last long. Mostly it was just a bit awkward and sad.

Like all holidays, really, Christmas can sometimes be very tough. The fact that we feel it is supposed to be all about love and togetherness just makes the lack of those things, where it exists, an extra raw
experience. Mother's Day has often been like that for me (& I know others who find that day hard too) due to the loss of a child. Any special holiday can have that effect, I guess.

Anyway. In that context, a few short thoughts about what Christmas really does mean.

As an aside (& not the point of this post); I have no problem at all with the tradition of gift-giving. Leaving the ugly commercialism aside (and there's really no need to buy into that anyway), giving thoughtful gifts, and finding ways to show those around you that they are valued, is an entirely appropriate way to reverence God who gives. And it seems to me that even if your thoughts aren't on God - the freedom and joy of giving and enjoying one another still rings with the echoes of God's Kingdom.

But gift giving aside (& there are times when that can seem very hollow and empty) the part of the first Christmas story that is the still point in my storm, this year, are the words "God with Us".

After all, that was the message of that first Christmas day. That little Jewish baby, born into the mess of human physicality, poverty, politics and culture clashes, was God - come to walk WITH us.

To me, that's the Good News. That's it! God is with us. He's not against us. He's not above and beyond us. With us.

So.

When my family is a mess. He's with me.

When I'm sick. He's with me.

When I can't pay the bills. He's with me.

When I screw up my relationships. Still with me.

When I run out of faith. Still here.

When I'm grieving. He's right beside me.

When I'm saying ugly words to my ex-husband. He's still there.

When I can't still myself to hear him. He's right there anyway.

When I don't WANT to hear him. He's still there. Waiting.

And I think the whole idea we so often get from religion, that God is out there waiting to come down heavy on us when we "sin" or don't get it right; just doesn't fit with the message of Christmas - God WITH us - at all.

Right now, that is a big comfort to me.

So, peace on earth, good will toward men... and thank you, God, that you are with us. No matter what.

Image sourced from: http://ninatidwell.com/archives/332

Not a Lot to Say.

2011-12-22T20:21:00.000+11:00

OK. This is "the blog post you write when you're not writing a blog post".

I know this is the time of year when lots of people are reflecting on Christmas, and yes, our family is gearing up to spend time together, and I'm looking forward to it.

But more than anything, I find at the moment I am craving space, peace, and time to think.

Maybe the results of that will appear here on the blog. Maybe they won't.

I love having this space to share ideas and interact - but at the moment, I'm dry. I really need some solitude, time for reflection, and ... some reconnection with God. Life's been complicated ( is that a bad thing? Perhaps not...) and I need to take some time out and just 'process' stuff.

I really hope the Christmas (or holiday - if Christmas is not your thing) season is a wonderful and blessed time for you all... and perhaps because it's what I'm hoping for myself, I hope the little break from normal day-to-day activities is just what your soul needs!!!

Blessings,
Kerry

Image credit: http://www.modny73.com/artwork/photography/30-staggering-examples-of-reflection-photography/

"Judge not..."

2011-12-15T10:20:00.002+11:00

I read/watched something incredibly disturbing this morning on ABC online news.

A government "boys home" in Tamworth, NSW, has apparently spawned a generation of heinous killers. Former inmates have been linked with 35 deaths and an alarming number of Australia's most notorious and depraved criminals, it turns out, spent their teenage years there.

Former inmates (now old men) recount some of the treatment they experienced as a matter of course, during their time at Tamworth. It's chilling, to the core. Systematic isolation, rape, torture, starvation... the effect on those already very troubled kids is incalculable. Yes, they were already on a criminal trajectory - but even a week of the treatment meted out at Tamworth would be enough to push a healthy individual over the edge. If you have the stomach to read it, find the article here.

It presents a very different facet to some shocking Australian atrocities. Here's just one example: In
1973, Kevin Garry Krump and his accomplice, Ian Baker, premeditated and carried out the abduction, torture, rape and murder of Virginia Morse. Together they tortured and systematically raped Mrs Morse for some 20 hours, before finally shooting her in the eyes. The crime was (rightly) considered so heinously depraved, that Krump's file was stamped "Never to be Released". I was just a kid in '73, so don't remember it in the media - but I have no doubt there were calls for the death penalty to be reinstated! Krump "survived" 6 months of torture at Tamworth, at the age of 18.

Was Krump a monster?? Undeniably, yes. Was he also a tormented human being? No doubt. I'm not even laying the whole blame on the institution at Tamworth (horrendous, beyond all belief, as it was). Krump, and the other kids sent to Tamworth had already been labelled "uncontrollable" before ever arriving there. The specific events in their lives leading up to that point, we will probably never know. Safe to say, however, that at some point in his life, Kevin Garry Krump - monster in the making - was an innocent caught in a cycle of violence and abuse, bigger than himself, his family of origin, or the inhumane "system" of which Tamworth was a part.

Makes me wish I could get back in time to the young Kevin Krump, and get him out of there! Makes me weep for the untold stories of kids I knew at school (always in trouble - "those Tahmoor children's home kids!!" ) who had the misfortune to live in a government institution, instead of a loving family.

Makes me go a little easier on myself, for the times (& there have been some recent "doozies") where I've been the one to really f*** things up! Not "easier" in the sense of believing it doesn't matter. But easier because I know I'm human. I have a story. And broken bits. Just like everyone. That gives me breathing space to let it go and move forward. Forgive myself, and move back into love.

And it definitely makes me take a step back from judging those other "difficult people" in my life. Isn't it always the case, if you have the blessed experience of resolving a misunderstanding with someone, that seeing "their perspective" - really seeing it - seems to shed an entirely new light on whatever the difficulty? Doesn't mean there's nothing to resolve. Doesn't mean behaviour (usually on both sides!) doesn't need to change. But it DOES mean there's space to work it out with compassion, understanding and love.

(Photo credit: http://my.opera.com/jonrod/blog/index.dml/tag/judging%20others)

Between Worlds

2011-12-12T11:24:00.001+11:00

That's me, at the moment. In just about every important way I can think of.

I'm between jobs.
Between relationships.
Between life stages.
Between churches.
Between beliefs.

It's not a bad thing.
But it's uncomfortable.
Sometimes.

In spite of that,
I am happy for it.
When our lives are settled "in" something
And everything seems packaged and certain
We miss the fact that life is change,
and we are, in fact, always "between".

And in times like this
It is easier to look outside those "mini-worlds" that I can be in or between...
And see the bigger reality
That holds me
And will never let me go.
Selah.

Places I've been...

2011-12-04T18:14:00.001+11:00

On the subject of covenant relationships (such a rich and meaningful phrase, to me!) Joy, of Joy in this Journey takes up this subject in the context of church relationships. I love her perspective! Find it here (guest post on 'Jesus needs new PR')

On the subject of interpreting scripture... an interesting perspective from Derek Flood, talking about trajectories of thought and growth of ideas throughout the Bible. (I love that Derek goes places most of us avoid, because they raise uncomfortable questions. The one about genocides and infanticides in the Old Testament? Well he tackles that one here!)

And on the subject of why we all tend to grip and tussle so passionately with our perspectives/ideas/experiences of religion and faith... A thoughtful insight from Richard Beck, over at Experimental Theology - talking about our "ghosts".

Enjoy!

A Beautiful Story

2011-12-01T07:23:00.001+11:00

Today I'm just going to share a blog post by a friend. Ethan has been on a journey of discovery, learning how to be authentically himself, in following Jesus. I love his insight, and his courage.

He's written the most beautiful allegory about this. There is just so much in it that resonates with me. So... enough from me - find it here on Ethan's Blog

& that's all from me!!

The "M" Word.

2011-11-29T13:40:00.001+11:00

Lots has been coming my way, about the institution of marriage. I was recently sent an email, with links to pro-marriage information. This was a response to current legislative changes being debated, regarding the legal definition of marriage. Another friend had a bit of a vent on facebook this morning, about married men she had heard speaking incredibly disrespectfully of their wives... and of course, for me, the subject is very personal - as my marriage is ending.

Some interesting stats were quoted in the pro-marriage article. (I seem to have come across a LOT of statistics about marriages, lately!) The general picture seems to be that children of intact marriages (as well as the marriage partners themselves) generally experience measurably better health and life outcomes, than children of either single parents or defacto relationships. As a social institution, marriage seems to have something going for it.

However as someone who is kind of on the other side of that nice, conventional coin... I think an honest look at marriage has to see more than generalities.

So, what is it about functional, intact marriages that works so well for both children and adults? (and notice I added the word "functional" - since it is recognised that children from high-conflict marriages (with or without physical violence) do NOT do better than children from other family configurations.)

Bear in mind, this is just me thinking this through; I'm not listing research based evidence here, just my own thoughts, in no particular order.

1. One of the points made in the "pro-marriage" article, was that "It is in resolving the innate tension between the male and the female that men and women learn to love." I actually think there's something in that. Love needs to be learned, and it is in adjusting ourselves to the difference of another, that we find both them and ourselves. Children who grow up in a home where they see the accommodation of one to another modeled, and find themselves included in such an accepting and respecting circle, have been given a wonderful gift! However, is marriage between a man and a woman the only way accommodation to others can be learned?? Much as I think a healthy marriage is a beautiful and wonderful thing, I suspect not.

2. Stability and faithfulness; commitment, if you like, are so very important. Growing up knowing that those who love you are committed to keep on loving you, even if times get difficult or someone makes hurtful mistakes; that's gold!! I can't prove, but I think perhaps it is reasonable to assume, that married couples in general do have intentions to be together "for life" even though it so often doesn't work out that way. De facto relationships range from casual to committed. Although marriages also range from deeply committed to "on paper" only, I think probably most people who take the step of marriage believe they are making a lifetime commitment.

What am I trying to say here? Well, growing up in a covenanted, faithful circle of relationships is healthy. By covenanted, I mean that there is a heart commitment to be there for one another, no matter what. And that commitment is held deeply enough to carry the relationship through difficult or dry times.

I think covenant, heart commitment between human beings is one of the most beautiful things in existence. I believe it confers value on people, as people. It says "you are precious to me, even when you make mistakes, don't meet all my needs, or are just plain difficult." Everyone needs that! Kids who grow up seeing that in action, are going to feel so much more secure. Even when things go wrong. They've seen love keep going before.

So is marriage the only place you can find "covenant commitment"? Not at all. It SHOULD be the one place you can expect to see it consistently - although it probably isn't. I have friends who I have "heart commitments" to, that have lasted through squabbles, tragedies, heartbreaks, and occasional bad behaviour on both sides. These are people who nurture my soul, love me AND my kids, and who are there for me, and I for them, when sh** happens. They are my community, and part of my family.

3. Healthy traditional families are wonderful things. But it isn't always possible for people to live in one. What about families where a parent dies? What about families where mental illness, addictions, or other factors make the traditional family arrangement un-healthy (research is actually on my side on this one)?? And what about individuals who stay single? Or who have a different sexual orientation? If traditional marriage is the ONLY way to provide love, security, commitment etc., then large portions of our society are sunk, through no fault of their own.

I guess what I'm saying, is that marriage can and should be, a wonderful, precious, life-affirming, nurturing, safe, sacred thing. But sometimes it isn't. And that's not the end of the story. For those who (for whatever reason) do not have, or have not had, the benefit of a stable, traditional family life, there are a universe full of opportunities for honouring, nurturing, covenanted relationships. And even if you are happily and healthily married, community and friendships outside that primary relationship are so very important.

You can't legislate good relationships. And you can't stereotype them either. Love (the committed, through thick and thin kind) is as important as air. And just like air, it can be found all around us.

A slight change of pace...

2011-11-19T18:17:00.001+11:00

Recently, I joined the Southern Highlands branch of the Fellowship of Australian Writers. It's been wonderfully inspiring, I have to say. Each month, some writing topics are given as a kind of non-compulsory "homework". This month, I actually tackled one! The topic for poetry was "New Times". Here's my effort:

NewTimes

She sags against the pier her filthy robe

A mockery.

Too blear and dull to clean or wash ordress

Matted hair in lousy, rank disharmony

Her blackened fingers rhythmically harass

The stench fouled air.

She stinks of piss.

Pedestrians avert their eyes and skirt

Uneasily.

Discard a glance of pity or disgust

The city gleams with commerce, shines withindustry

In this showcase of the prosperous, there’sno place

For such as her.

They’ll move her on.

Along the foreshore lights begin to glimmer,

Beckoning

The leisured and the young to come and play

Lover’s murmured voices drifting promises

To the twilight, not for them the close ofday

Their universe

A world of hope.

Between the pylons, wakened to the darkness

Muttering

Her every sharpened sense alert and bared

She battles them again; again remembering.

With all her strength, defends, she seesthem clear

Those torments past

That shroud her still.

Kerry Miller

Incidentally (or perhaps not so incidentally...) I was searching for an image for this post online, and found an Australian charity that provides sleeping swags for homeless people. The image above is from their site. If you are interested, find it at: http://www.swags.org.au/index.html

Why I'm not Left or Right wing

2011-11-16T13:33:00.001+11:00

Lately, I have been involved in a number of conversations that have touched on liberal, vs. conservative values. The home I grew up in was fairly conservative (although my parents were thoughtful people, and didn't always tow the "party line"), but over the years, I have come to embrace ideas and values that would be seen as much more liberal or left wing. Despite this, I'm not comfortable with the label. I'm not exactly a fence-sitting moderate, either - but I remember telling a friend years ago, that I felt "Left" and "Right" divisions in politics were kind of artificial - and not on the matrix I wanted to use. I couldn't explain it better (& luckily, my friend didn't ask me to). It keeps coming up, though, so I want to nut it out a bit more clearly.

I think we are all inclined to interpret Jesus according to our own values. (Heck, we are inclined to interpret EVERYTHING that way!!) I and plenty of others have often pointed out that Jesus was not exactly a moralistic, conservative fellow, in spite of the way he is often presented. But was he really a kind of 1st century hippie radical freak?? Did he even fit anywhere on the Right/Left continuum??

If you look at the people who were drawn to follow him, we don't find any clues. There was Simon the Zealot (about as Palestinian Left Wing radical as you could get!) and Matthew the Tax Collector. How on earth did THOSE two manage to get along??

If you look at the things he did and said, it's just as confusing! He starts out providing gallons of wine to already drunken wedding guests, then tells his listeners that they need to keep the laws better than the scribes and pharisees. He tips the tables of merchants and salesmen over, then affirms the gift of perfume worth a year's wages - poured over his own feet. He provides food to thousands, then appears to deny even bread, to a Canaanite woman, & on the basis of her race, no less! He had no home of his own, yet his robe was so valuable that soldiers cast lots for it. He railed against the unjust rule of the religious leaders; then appeared to casually give Rome it's due. I'm pushing the comparisons a bit far here, perhaps, but I want to make a point. Jesus was deeply concerned about the plight of the poor and marginalised, yet he does not fit neatly onto the right/left continuum we so readily place people on today.

The truth is, Jesus placed as much value on lepers and outcasts as he did on Roman Centurions, (and even the occasional religious leader). And I think that's the "door to the matrix". Jesus wasn't about taking sides. He wasn't about moral codes. He never laid out a coherent philosophy for us to follow. Jesus was all about relationships. He was there to connect with people, and to show them their true worth, connecting them with God and their own true identities.

Justice matters - because people matter.

When you think about it, the whole right/left wing divide is not really about justice - everyone values that (although they may have differing ideas about what it is). It's only about two things; power, and resources. And of these two things, power is only important insofar as it decides who gets control OF the resources. So really? It's about resources. Money. Do I want to line up on one side or another with regards to money? Not really. Do I want to value people as people (no matter what their leanings) and find means and ways of creating justice in community with others? Well, yes. I think I do.

Incidentally, a fellow blogger (Joy, of Joy in this Journey) posted something today which really resonates with this whole discussion... I always enjoy TED talks, and this one, by Jonathan Haidt, manages to hit the same spot, from a completely non-religious viewpoint! I loved it!!

Rhetoric

2011-11-14T21:11:00.001+11:00

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceful, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
~ James.

a beautiful striptease!

2011-11-11T23:10:00.001+11:00

I took myself off to the movies, last night. The local cinema is having an Italian film festival, which opened with a film starring Robert De Niro and Monica Bellucci; Manuale d'Amore (Manual of Love). Watching beautiful Monica (Confession: I am completely starstruck by her - she is a goddess!) and the one and only Robert De Niro together on screen - and in Italian!! Can't get much more romantic than that! The movie was quite lovely, but one scene in particular took my breath away.

De Niro's character, Adrian, is an older, retired professor whose marriage failed after he underwent a heart transplant. He has had difficulty adjusting to the freakishness of owning a new heart, and the relational consequences that came with it. Bellucci plays Viola, a 40 year old woman trying to escape a troubled past. The two fall in love (Yes, yes, predictable. I know.)

The one scene that I am still replaying in my head, involved a little striptease by De Niro (one would expect that to be memorable, perhaps - but bear with me - it's not for the reason you think!). Adrian and Viola are by now completely taken with one another's company. She agrees to spend the evening with him during a local festival, and watch the fireworks from the balcony. They eat, talk, laugh, and drink copious quantities of champagne. At the point where they are both very merry and uninhibited, Adrian asks Viola what it is like to be a stripper. Viola decides to explain by teaching Adrian how. Using "darkness, some music, and a torch" to help curb the embarrassment, Adrian performs a disarmingly funny and unselfconscious striptease with the aid of Viola's instructions.

Now remember, Adrian is an old guy and Viola is not only much younger, but a rapturously voluptuous beauty. Nonetheless, the shirt is unbuttoned with a funny little dance, the tie cast off with an admirable flourish! Down go the trousers with a comical wiggle, revealing old guy legs and boxer shorts. None of this matters; both of them are revelling in the joy of one another. Then comes time to take OFF the shirt! Adrian is still dancing to the music and living completely in the moment. At Viola's instructions, he turns his back to her, removes his shirt with a saucy wiggle of the shoulders, swings it in the air and flings it with abandon across the room. Laughing, she urges him to turn around and then suddenly, he stops dancing. Slowly, awkwardly, he turns; hands clasped imploringly over his old man's chest. He is exposed. His age. His history. His pain. She gently tells him to put down his hands and gingerly, he does so. She steps forward and reaches her beautiful smooth hand towards his aged, scarred, and very human chest. Tenderly, she traces the purple, fleshy, knotted scar that announces his transplant. It is a beautiful moment.

I'm captivated by that image. There is something in me and, I think, in everyone, that wants to be truly recognised and fully known. Somehow, it seems to me that deep communication, acceptance, and such moments of pure intimacy are what make us fully human. Watching, and caught up in this moment of deep recognition, there is a sense that we are experiencing something much larger than the sum of us.

I know that such interactions are mediated by a lovely cocktail of chemicals awash throughout our central nervous systems. I know that courting behaviours and the like can be neatly explained by evolutionary pressures and processes. But honestly, there seems something in recognising and accepting another's vulnerability; in exposing our own weaknesses, in reaching out to one another's true identities, that transcends all that. And I don't want to explain it away - I want to revel in it. I WANT there to be "something more"! I don't believe simple biology explains away love, mercy and compassion. And for me, the strength of our need for this kind of connection with one another points to something in the core of our beings that I would call spiritual. I like the saying I read on somebody's facebook wall recently: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but we are spiritual beings having a human experience." And what an experience it is!!

Divine Words

2011-11-08T14:06:00.000+11:00

" All Scripture is God-breathed..."

St. Paul

I've been giving some thought to this, lately.

For most of my life I was taught, and accepted, that the Bible was "divinely inspired". In my cultural tradition, this meant that every word in it was perfectly, literally accurate. Six days to create the world. Infallible history. And every verse like a magic spell that could bend reality to fit the "correct" way of thinking about things.

I was even told that translation errors could not occur - because God was watching over His Word. If just ONE verse turned out to be false, well then, you wouldn't be able to trust ANY of it!! And woe betide anybody who dared twist it, or change even so much as a punctuation mark!

When you think about it - this has to produce a fearful kind of faith. It implies that there is one
correct way of viewing God, faith, and the world - and that any little deviation from this prescriptive "truth" could be dangerous. It also uses the Bible as a kind of rule book for thinking. "Here - put your mind in this nice, neat straitjacket, or you'll miss seeing God!!" It makes it more like a pair of blinkers, than a window through which to glimpse eternity.

The Bible is a remarkable collection of writings. As Lee Strobel points out, in his book "The Case for Christ", as far as ancient documents go, there are multiple times more matching copies, (and these are hundreds of years closer in date to the original events, people and places) than there are of Homer's writings. As far as the authenticity of ancient documents goes; those are damned fine credentials. However it's a HUUUGE leap from this, to the kind of rigid fundamentalist view of Scripture that I grew up with.

The Bible is a collection of ancient texts, written by and for people from ancient, foreign cultures, in languages that are no longer used in the same form today. It records encounters between these people and cultures and the I AM. Because it was written by real people, it is earthy, untidy, coloured by culture and perception, and fabulously rich and confusing.

The Bible (in spite of containing the Jewish ceremonial and religious laws) is not a "rule book for thinking". Not every word of a translation is some kind of magic spell.

But it points to a reality. In its pages we find accounts by strangers from another time, of the stirrings of God in their world. We may never fully understand the perspective of those strangers. We cannot leave our own culture and sit fully inside theirs. However, woven into the fabric of their writings if we have eyes to see, it is possible to discern something of the shape of the eternal and divine.

The narratives, poetry and other writings in the Bible point to a God who can be encountered, and wants to encounter us; a God who will be found by those who seek Him. Over and over again, we read the words of people in times and cultures past, who encountered the breath of God in their world; which sounds a lot like Divine inspiration to me. The thing is, though, to actually experience the divine, we have to seek such an encounter for ourselves.

Family Stuff...

2011-11-03T13:33:00.002+11:00

Every time I go to write a post like this, I wonder if I really should. However, I've waved enough of my dirty laundry at the internet world already; my rants are there for all to see - and so, in my now well established tradition of being far too personal in public, I think it is time for an update on "the Big D".

Things are getting... easier!
We're still separated under one roof - which is awkward, and there is a BIG part of me that's just sooo tired of it and longing to really have my own space. I hope it is not too much longer before we can go the next step, but if I am honest, there have been some real benefits to the length of time it has taken.

The delay has helped us to slowly get used to each other under the "new arrangements". I think if Ian had moved out immediately it would have taken years, not months, for me to be able to have a relaxed conversation with him about anything. And THAT is very helpful, when you are still co-parenting.

On the subject of co-parenting; Ian has really stepped up to the plate and made an effort to be more affectionate and involved in the kids' lives. They have needed this. It would have been far more difficult from a distance.

It has been much, much, much easier on the kids! In the last couple of weeks, I got to hear both of them quite independently express to a third party (who knew I was concerned about the effect things might be having on them) that nothing is worse for them now, and significant things are, in fact, much better. It was a moment of grace, to be able to hear that.

Sometimes redemption takes an unexpected path... well, maybe a lot MORE than sometimes. In our situation, something difficult and atypical - that for a long time seemed as if it had NO solution in heaven or on earth - is healing. Maybe not healing according to the "established formula" - but this is life, not algebra - and I'm thankful.

The Last Post

2011-11-01T10:45:00.000+11:00

HA! You thought I was going to get all military or memorial, didn't you??

Actually, this really IS a continuation of my last post!

Truth is I was just going to add a comment - but the comment grew so I'm posting it separately.

Okay - I've been mulling over examples of powerful, triumphant love that I've seen.

First to come to mind (and I didn't "see" this one - but it has gone down in history!) Is the example of Martin Luther King Jr, and those incredibly brave souls who stood with him and faced violence and hatred - took it on themselves without retaliating, and defeated it with love. Their sacrifice is still reverberating throughout history. I think both he and Ghandi spring immediately to mind whenever there's talk of "nonviolent resistance" - but reflecting on the courage and sacrifice of individuals who stood up for love and freedom - and the incredible power of their actions - fills me with awe and reverence still.

A more prosaic example; When I was growing up, a hyperactive, tearaway wild thing wreaking
merry havoc around the streets of Tahmoor - I was loved unconditionally by a family (particularly the mother - affectionately known as "Mumhouse") up the road. From a young age, I gave people around me headaches with my constant noise and chatter (not much has changed!!). I got into everything; tipped over full paint cans; raided the refrigerator; explored under their house and decided to dig for treasure there at one point, I'm told. They didn't pretend. They really, and inexplicably loved me! Mumhouse taught me how to cook chelsea buns and make butter. Denboy (the dad of the family) told me and the other neighbourhood kids amazing stories, and patiently listened and bantered with us. When I would do outrageously inappropriate things (they once bought a set of arcopal dinnerplates. It said on the TV that you could drop them without breakage - so I immediately grabbed one and threw it on the floor to see - thankfully it really did bounce. I still remember her cry of alarm!) But back to the point - whenever I did something inappropriate or naughty, Mumhouse would look at me with a kind of surprised blink, shake her head and say in her wonderful, musical way "You're a triiick!!"

I'm watching my son, (as well as a couple of my nephews) grow up with the challenges of ADHD. I figure I'm the one who passed that lovely legacy down. Kids like that can be just FULL ON. My poor mother (who also loved me - but had 5 kids to try to feed and keep under some kind of control) tells me even now that she didn't know WHAT to do with me! My own son is a fantastic kid, and growing to be a beautiful young man. He's amazing! - but when he was a toddler... one of my friends confessed to me that she used to cringe inwardly when she saw him coming!! The thing is, it can be VERY hard for kids who have behavioural challenges to be accepted and loved. They tend to grow up feeling like something is essentially inferior about them. They don't measure up. People get frustrated and angry with them. They can't really explain why it is always this way - but they just don't cut it and people don't want them around. It sucks!

The Youngs (my other family) were not churchgoers, although I believe they were people of faith. Mumhouse used to say to me "Gardening brings you closer to God". Their consistent, unconditional acceptance and even enjoyment, of me and my "eccentricities" gave me something immeasurable. They gave me value; when the rest of the world was often giving me the opposite message. Life has had innumerable challenges since those childhood days - there have been some deadly battles along the way. I suspect the seed of love they planted may even have saved my life! Were they walking in Jesus' footsteps?? Oh yes!!

Unpacking the Story 1 - Judgement vs. Love

2011-10-31T21:43:00.003+11:00

A while back, I had a go at summarising the narrative of the Bible. (See Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 if you missed it and are interested) I talked a little bit about my reasons for doing it... partly because I think we have unwittingly twisted it into something else. But also, (in fact, mainly) because I wanted to look at it again, if possible, with new eyes. There has been a paradigm shift, a BIG one, going on inside me - & I wanted to check it out against the WHOLE story, and see if it really fit.

As it turned out, I really got a lot out of doing it. I approached the Jesus bit with fear and trepidation, to be honest - I have NEVER really understood what the cross was all about. Something about it just never made sense. Reading Derek Flood's work (Penal Substitution vs. Christus Victor, in particular) was a great help. It put into words a lot of the questions I'd had. The picture of a bloodthirsty God requiring a life as payment for the smallest infringement... just didn't read like justice to me.

So What was the cross all about?

I'd seen the garden, and a lot of the old Testament stuff, as the story of two competing worldviews. The one most of us have (well, all of us, if we're honest) that judges other people, compares them to
whatever standard we believe is correct; and apportions value to self and others, based on their actions, ability, character... as compared to that standard. The other - the God kind of worldview - as something completely (& quite scandalously!) outside this. A worldview where you are valued, because you ARE. Where you don't have to measure up - you belong. Where rules and standards can't exclude you - you're accepted. & where beauty, grace, love and freedom are gifts that are freely given and don't need to be earned. Wow!

I figured, if this was true - then the cross in some way had to kill judgement, and resurrect love.

And it did. In the most subversive of ways. Jesus allowed judgment to do its worst. He let it take the reigns and push its agenda to the limit. In fact, it let judgement do the ultimate - and kill him. By his own non-retaliation; his refusal to be a part of the adversarial, antagonistic, "us and them" system of law and judgement, he proved that system hollow. The system was clearly shown for what it was. His innocence - and by implication, the guilt of his accusers - was fully demonstrated.

And what about resurrecting Love?? What Jesus was showing, on his whole path of life, leading up to the ultimate sacrifice on the cross - was Love. He embodied it. There's something in all of us that believes love never dies. That somehow it triumphs over all! (see almost any Hollywood movie!!)

So did it?? Well, according to the story - and completely outside of the expectations of any of his followers - YES. Judgement, sin, hell and death did their worst - and could not keep Love in the grave. Not only did Jesus survive death - but his life and example demonstrated a way of relating to God and others (I won't say a "new" way - because there is a thread of this relational way that can be traced all the way back to the beginning), that is not centred on judgement, "us and them" "in group vs. out group", "righteous vs. sinners". This "Way" has influenced individuals and whole cultures - and continues today.

But here's a question: WHERE have you seen the way of Love demonstrated most clearly?? WHO have you seen walking in those incredible footsteps?? I'd be interested to hear your stories... and I wonder if all -or any - of them fit the stereotypical "church mould". Are they necessarily connected with Church at all?? What are your thoughts?

Tasty words... I hope!

2011-10-27T05:11:00.000+11:00

Here's a little offering, from 4am wakefulness... Hope you like it!

My Garden

Welcome to my garden of words;

Heart-grown and tender.

Full of youth and sap

and vigour

Or ready to seed

And fly on the wind

Reproducing

who knows where...

Sometimes I'm digging

And you'll find me in gumboots

Shovelling stinky stuff

Making a right mess!

But I'm growing something.

And its going to be delicious!

There's plenty to share.

I have a roadside stall

"Free organic goodies"

and you can take some.

There's enough to go around!

And if you like, we'll share a meal

You and me

If you're hungry.

Everyone gets hungry,

Especially the broken

And the healing

And the growing - Oh how they eat!!

And the shamed

And the beautiful

And the leftist

And the righteous

Especially the self-righteous - We

Need plenty feeding up

So we don't shrivel.

And together we'll feast on the Word

(I call him Jesus, but

You might know him by other names;

Love, Shalom, Acceptance, hope...

It doesn't matter what you call him.)

And we'll share and talk

Maybe laugh and cry a little

Possibly even squabble

Sometimes.

But mostly just get to

Know each other

Until we find, to our surprise

That our words are His Words
And He is here too.

Kerry Miller

Cosmic prayer.

2011-10-24T14:12:00.001+11:00

I went to Church yesterday (more remarkable than it sounds - I've been absent a lot this year, and have ended up finding, I think, a new Church home - longish story & not what this post is about ... although it's worth saying that my old fellowship merged with another Church - great bunch of people, but it coincided with a whole lot of upheaval in my own family, which kept me away from services and by the time I got back there it just wasn't quite home anymore. I'm still in regular contact with those I was close to, however, so its all good!)

Anyway, the new mob (which is really just an extension of old mob - sister fellowship to my old church, and lots of folks who already know me or my siblings... just a different branch of the family, really!) are studying Ephesians right now. Different folks have been sharing their insights into different bits of it. This morning, Virginia, who is a wonderful "highlands woman" - proper, keenly insightful, with a touch of humour and lots of grace, shared her thoughts about the prayers in Ephesians. If you're not a Bible-reading type, Ephesians is actually a letter written by the Apostle Paul to the believers in Ephesus - which exists today as an old town somewhere in Turkey. It was written to them to encourage them in the faith and new life they had embraced.

Virginia made the point that the prayers Paul prayed for his family of faith, way back then, were quite different to the prayers we so often pray today. NO prayers for prosperity!! No lists of things that need fixing. Not even so much as a "bless auntie so-and-so"! Paul's prayers skip all of that and cut
right to the heart of what matters. He prays first, that they will have the wisdom and insight to KNOW GOD. Next, he prays that they will understand the hugeness of the HOPE he has given them. He prays that they will really experience God's POWER - for real, in their lives! A little later on he prays that they will be literally filled with God, and have power to truly grasp the vastness of His love.

This doesn't read to me, like a list of characteristics a follower of God should have. It's not a prescription for the right attitudes and behaviours to get God to hear you and do your bidding. Paul is pulling everything back to the one thing that matters. He is urging them to seek relationship with God. KNOW Him, UNDERSTAND the great hope he offers, and EXPERIENCE the power of connection with the Great I AM. The rest is secondary.

It's got me thinking about prayer. Something I haven't been practicing enough. But when I feel that pull to connect with the eternal - to reach out and grasp God, and meaning, and the source of love; that's my call to prayer! When problems overwhelm me, or strike at someone I know... the answer isn't to dutifully bow my head and ask God to fix it. I need to go TO Him. Nestle deeply into who He is, and allow that reality to seep into whatever the situation is. Prayer is allowing Heaven to penetrate earth - and anyone with the temerity to go looking for God, can do it!

Places I've been...

2011-10-21T17:01:00.001+11:00

For once, I'm NOT short of blogging inspiration, and this is at least partly because of lots of inspirational reading I've been doing, on and off the net (well, mostly on, if I'm honest!). Before I wax lyrical on my own, I thought it would be worth sharing a few of the gems I've been inspired by in the past week or so:

Probably the post that touched me the most, was this amazing poem by Joy Wilson. I've just discovered her blog, and will keep following it. She's also written a book, called "Uncensored Prayer", which I have ordered from Amazon. More on that when it arrives! Her poetry is raw and real and, in the words of one reviewer, "not for the faint hearted" but as I read this one poem it could have been MY story. It threw my morning off balance in the most incredible of ways - I just wanted to cry, and talk to Jesus. It brought me closer to God than I've felt in quite a while! Find it here.

This punchy and insightful guest post by Alise Wright, on Jamie, the very worst Missionary (one of my fave blogs) really hit the mark! Alise is a Jesus-follower married to an atheist and I think probably straddles the divide between "Christian culture" and the rest of the waking world, in a unique way!

Derek Flood has been an ongoing source of insight and encouragement. I've already recommended his four part article (kind of like a mini-book, but REALLY worth the time it takes to read it) Penal Substitution vs. Christus Victor. This week, though, I delved into his (much shorter) article on relational theology. He has a way of taking the ideas I've been groping at, and laying them out clearly!
(Derek is also a professional animator, and the image on the right is his artwork. You can buy prints via his webpage)

And finally, a bit of a thought-provoking discussion with Michael Camp, of Deep Thought Pub, on homosexuality in the Bible. Something I've been wrestling with for a while, as I have dear friends and family members with same-sex partners. I don't believe God's love excludes anyone because of lifestyle or sin, but it's sometimes hard to reconcile this with some passages in the Bible. Michael and I both agree that the law is NOT part of following Jesus, but the discussion was eye-opening, nonetheless!

(nb. I think one of the reasons I'm enjoying engaging with Michael, is that we both have boozy sounding blog names!!)

I AM

2011-10-18T18:04:00.000+11:00

This beautiful image sourced from: http://love1008.deviantart.com/art/Light-Symphonia-13-104283312

As a writer, I find that my words are most powerful when they are most "from the heart". When I'm no longer just telling a story, or talking "about" something, but expressing who I truly am on the inside. I love it when meaning glows, and the craft of writing fades invisibly behind it!

Words, ideas, concepts, philosophies; all fascinate me. I studied a bit of linguistics at uni, and loved it! Examining the way sound waves, phoneme concepts, language conventions are all somehow used to convey meaning from one person to another was endlessly intriguing. Communication is incredibly complex!! No matter what the message or how it is conveyed, the concepts and ideas in the mind of the sender are NEVER quite the same as those in the mind of the receiver. Sometimes
the message is still clear; often, the receiver can form a completely different idea to the one intended.

Some humorous examples of this can be found in misheard song lyrics; For example, when I was a kid, I thought the words of "Fun, fun, fun on the autobahn" were "fart, fart, fart, Jehosophat" (You can tell I had a religious upbringing, can't you!!)

A less funny but fascinating illustration of the disjoint between "words" and the concepts we have of them in our heads is found in translations between languages. The word "hand" in English, is translated "mano" in Spanish. But did you know that the two words don't refer to exactly the same body part? Our English concept of hand, goes from the wrist to the fingers. In Spanish, it includes more of the arm. (I hope I've remembered that correctly - searching through the dusty archives in my brain, it could be Fijian that divides the body this way... but the point is the same). Did you know that colour concepts differ from culture to culture? The word for "red" in one language will almost always refer to a somewhat different section of the colour spectrum in another. Even within the same language, concepts of word meanings vary from person to person. Makes it a challenge to communicate, doesn't it?

Something I'm realising about this God-journey thing, is that it isn't about words. It's about being. Not about subscribing to a philosophy, or code of conduct - but about stepping into reality. I love that when Moses asked God who he was, God answered with I AM. And I love that when we couldn't figure out what he was like, he put on skin and really connected with us. He didn't talk rules or philosophies; he embodied Himself.

There's a profound statement in the beginning of John: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Reading this, I envisage a place where there is no disjoint between communication and reality. A being who IS who he says, and SAYS with his very being, who he truly and absolutely IS.

The thing is, there's a place for examining words and philosophies and ideas. It's been and continues to be a huge part of my spiritual search - but the object of the search is to find the real. To touch the "I AM" and to enter into that reality.

I think we all know when we are encountering something eternal and deep and real. If you cast your mind back, were there times when you experienced this? (and I'm not talking about church services or particularly religious experiences, although I guess they might sometimes be included) We know it. And he has revealed this to us, so that we can connect with this incredible reality, and become a part of it so that the "message" of reality is not confused by words; it is who we are!

Nundu

2011-10-18T12:33:00.001+11:00

This is Nundu.

He's the newest addition to the Whalen family. We think he's about 10 weeks old (though his size is more like 6). He was rescued from the local dump, and ended up coming to live with us. Specifically, he was adopted by my 12 year old daughter, Hannah. "Nundu" is a Harry Potter name (Hannah is a mad-keen Harry Potter nut!! Apparently a Nundu is some kind of scary, leopard-like magical creature with very bad breath!). The name is a kind of Hannah irony. She doesn't see him that way at all!

When we first met Nundu, he was pitifully thin, had runny eyes, worms, and fleas. Oh, and there was poo stuck in his fur. We took him for a vet check (a bit worried that the eyes might be infectious as we have another older kitten at home) and the vet thought he was suffering from the tail-end of

cat-flu, but wouldn't be a huge risk to kitten number one. So, home he came.

Hannah was completely besotted from moment one. She is as absolutely blinded by love as a new mother with an ugly baby! We've had him about a week now, and he's fattened up a bit (you can still feel his ribs though) and his eyes have mostly stopped running. His tummy has had a little trouble adjusting to real food, so he's sometimes a bit stinky. In fact, there was a little accident on Hannah's doona cover last night that is still waiting for me in the laundry. I'm just not going to think about that any more than I have to!! I've managed to get a pretty cute pic of him here so perhaps its not as obvious, but you can still see from the look of him that he's had a rough start to life. To Hannah, he is quite simply the most adorable creature in the world!

Of course, he had to have some "bling" - so we went shopping for the best food, and a special collar. It's too big for him, but he is now dressed like the Prince he is! Once the eyes had cleared up sufficiently, she insisted on taking him to school to show off to her class. Being small and furry, they all thought he was cute too - although his size and general scrawniness did get a raised eyebrow and some curious questions from the teacher. He still has a kind of pinched up, deprived look about him - something about his face and eyes gives it away the most. But then, he's only been "Prince Nundu" for about a week.

The thing is, Hannah loves him. He's not only the most well-fed, but the most cuddled and adored cat in, well, just about anywhere! And if I know Hannah, that's not going to change. He's going to grow into that crazily royal collar. His body will fill out and become sleek and healthy. He's going to lose that ill, pinched-up look in his eyes, and start to really equal the vision of him that Hannah has always had in hers.

Strikes me, that God is like that with us. We may not all look as obviously deprived as Nundu. The pinched-up, ugly bits may not be as visible - though sometimes they are. But if we are human, there are bits of us that don't look so great, and that make us feel anything but "royal". And God is like Hannah - looking right through the ugly stuff, seeing belovedness and royalty, and loving us totally, unreservedly, and unconditionally until we blossom into HIS truth of who we are.

Retelling the Story 4

2011-10-08T11:49:00.002+11:00

If you're just jumping into this, I've been slowly retelling the story of the Bible. Why? Well, because I think we have twisted it, and used it to say (in many ways) the absolute opposite of what it actually shows. You may not agree... but see how it strikes you!

See the beginning of the story here.
Some more thoughts on the message of the Old Testament story and the law here in Part 2
The beginning of the Jesus bit, here in Part 3

And we take up our story, now that Jesus has made the religious authorities angry enough to murder him, Here:
_______________________________________________

In a move that exposed the motives of the religious elite for what they truly were, the Jewish religious leaders conspired with the oppressive Roman rulers, to have God executed. Money changed hands. Jesus was handed over, and the public was manipulated so that a notorious murderer was freed and Jesus, who had stood in every way for life and freedom, was condemned to die a murderer's death.

Jesus lived his death in exactly the same way he had lived his life. No force. No retaliation. To
those who came to mock and condemn, as well as those who came to grieve or to worship, he gave the freedom to follow their own choice, or to change. Even as he suffered, he healed and forgave. If it's true that it is only under pressure that we see what we are truly made of; Jesus showed under pressure that in every fibre of his being he was Love.

The story of Jesus' arrest and trial has some interesting details. If you think that a bunch of sour religious types and a few soldiers wouldn't be enough to capture and destroy God - you are right. His arrest was... surreal. A friend chose to betray him - yet Jesus seemingly gave permission for this to happen (now that must've confused Judas!). During the fiasco, he confirmed who he was, and the mere power of those words knocked the soldiers to the ground. A man's ear was sliced off with a sword, before Jesus put an authoritative stop to the violence as his disciples began to defend him (they obviously still didn't "get" it!!). Jesus restored the ear. The soldiers regained their footing, and Jesus went willingly with them. At every step, it was clear that those who thought to take power and force their will on the quiet revolution Jesus had begun, were not the ones in control.

Pilate, the Roman governor whose task it was to examine Jesus and pronounce him guilty, could find no guilt in him and said so. Yet he bowed to the system of oppression that demanded Jesus' death, and handed him over to be executed.

God in human form, who had already demonstrated with every mortal breath his willingness to cross the divide between himself and humanity, allowed himself to be stripped naked, tortured and humiliated, without reproach or retaliation. He was beaten, spat on, abused and mocked. He allowed the worst abuses of the religious and political system, the cruellest and most degraded actions of men, to fall upon himself. He took the worst we could give, and continued to love. As he hung naked and dying on a Roman cross, he forgave his murderers. To those who saw him as a political manipulator, he showed himself empty of agenda. To those who saw him as Judge, he showed himself empty of condemnation. To those who saw him as one requiring sacrifice and appeasement, he offered himself as the sacrifice, and paid the ultimate price to appease whatever twisted price WE might put on restoration. In his life and by his death, He demonstrated the true nature of God. His actions silenced all measurements of "good" and "evil", demonstrating instead that he was willing to go to any length to restore relationship. Nothing we considered morally or legalistically "good" could shine in the face of such utter abandonment to love. Nothing we considered "sinful" or "evil" in the actions of men could be beyond its reach.

Although men tried to kill him, he gave up his own spirit. At that moment the sun was darkened, and the temple curtain - a thick felt barrier that separated the populace from the formidable presence of God - was torn in two from top to bottom. God had smashed the barriers, and torn down the divide that mankind had placed between themselves and Him.

I wonder if, at this point, the Jewish leaders and the forces of oppression thought they had won. I have a feeling although they were reassuring themselves he was dead and no longer a threat, that they were still feeling jittery. After all, his execution had somehow managed to demonstrate his innocence all the more, and to expose their own shadowy motives far more than they liked to admit.

Jesus' followers were gutted. They had believed he was the Messiah, sent by God to liberate Jerusalem. Now he was dead. Numb with grief and disbelief, they laid his body in a tomb and basically went into hiding.

However, this was not the end of the story. The religious authorities had failed to recognise God. They thought they were disposing of a trouble-maker and restoring the status quo. They did not realise it is impossible to kill love. In an event that showed the hollowness of the system of "right and wrong", and the futilitiy of retaliation and retribution, God overcame the last enemy of all; the final and most feared fate of mankind. He defeated death. On the third day after his burial, his body was discovered "missing". He appeared first to some of the women who had faithfully followed him, then to his disciples, and later to several hundred people. The "troublemaker" had changed the status quo forever. The controlling religious system had been shown for what it was. The perceived barriers between people and the Creator God had been shown for what they were. And GOD, had been revealed for who HE truly was. Loving enough to pay any price, reaching through man's insistence on "law" to touch and caress who WE really are; warts, misunderstandings, dirt, brokenness included. In the act of dying he had shown himself as the most willing of lovers and humankind, twisted and marred as we might be, as the most valuable beloved.

Jesus never directly challenged systems of injustice. He never ran for office, or sought an official religious position. He simply revealed his own identity, and showed us our own value, and who we were free to be. In doing this he showed the way to wholeness and restoration. In short, he brought liberation, release, and the Kingdom of God to the world.

Some further reading:

My friend Jeff Elkins has retold some of the same story (I understand he's also working on more) here.

And Derek Flood has put together a truly brilliant series of articles that really highlight the difference between religion and relationship, and explore the meaning of the life and death of Jesus here.

Retelling the Story... Part 3

2011-10-06T18:46:00.000+11:00

This is part three of a series I've been working on for some time. Use the links if you want to track back to Part 1, and Part 2

Well, it has been a while coming, but time to continue the story of us and God... Where were we??
Oh yes - the law, then the prophets... God crying for justice and relationship and then...

Nothing.

For something like 400 years God was pretty much silent - at least, officially. The Jewish nation hung onto the things that had been said; that they were God's chosen, that He would bring a great King from the descendents of David, who would set things right. And of course, they continued to follow the law. In fact, they'd made quite an art form out of it. Because Moses had said to keep God's laws in your hand and head, devout Jews literally wore Scriptures sewn into their clothing andheadgear. Because there was a limit on how far you could walk from your front gate on the
Sabbath day, lawkeeping Jews would carry a replica of their gate if they should happen to go walking... faultless!! An ultra conservative religious society had grown up around the laws given so long ago. As far as judging good from evil went, they really had it all sewn up!! In fact, they were so absolutely 'righteous', that stonings for sins such as adultery and blasphemy were commonplace.

Politically, this "silent" 400 years had been more than just turbulent. In spite of their steadfast belief in the promises made to them by God, combined with their rigorous keeping of the law, the Jews were a nation under occupation. Not only that, this was the latest in a long line of occupations; some crueller than others. They had suffered massacres, sieges, the desecration of their temple, and the prohibition of their religious observances. Their religious liberties had been wrested back at great cost, during the siege of the Maccabees, a group of Jewish revolutionaries and heroes, about 140b.c. However their independence as a nation had never been established. At the time our story recommences, Jerusalem was under the tight-fisted rule of Rome; administered locally by a corrupt and bloodthirsty "king" known as Herod the Great.

The Jews themselves were an oppressed minority, doggedly determined to maintain their own laws and traditions, whilst at the same time crying deep in their national soul for justice and restoration. Hope that the Messiah, the foretold King sent by God, would come and liberate them had perhaps never been stronger. In the eyes of most, liberation and restoration would mean political power would again be in the hands of the Jewish people; and that the precious Law would be upheld and vindicated. Their ultra religious society would have its day. The laws would be kept, and seen to be kept by all, and righteousness would truly be restored, bringing God's blessing to the nation.

God had a different plan.

The God who was too awesome for the people to relate to directly at Sinai (though if you remember, it was they, not he, who begged for an intermediary) decided to show the world, in a way that they could bear to see, who he really was.

In an act that most would consider so unseemly as to be blasphemous, the Glorious God of Sinai took human form. Not some "godlike" (in the sense that WE use the word) perfect, beautiful being. He chose to truly become one of us. Born in the usual, messy way - and not to a family of noble or great standing. Not to people of extraordinary charisma and abilities. He entered the world as the (seemingly) bastard son of a very young, probably uneducated, working class girl named Mary. Her husband (fiancee, at the time of Jesus' conception) was an ordinary carpenter. Joseph, knowing HE wasn't the father of the child Mary carried, and being a law abiding, though merciful, man decided to quietly break the engagement, rather than allow Mary to be stoned for adultery. It took a little supernatural intervention in the form of an angelic visitation, to show him that the child Mary was carrying was something special, placed there by God. Joseph chose to marry Mary, and protect her and the unexpected new family he had been given.

The baby, named Jesus (we are told he was Emmanuel - meaning "God with Us"), was born in dirty, impoverished and hazardous circumstances. Hardly the expected entrance of a king!! We are told that he was not handsome or attractive in any special way. However his arrival was hailed by astrologers - who had watched and followed his star and came to worship, and announced by angels. Not to the world's political powers - but to shepherds watching sheep on the hillside nearby. God only knows what they all saw when they went to see him. A newborn, of peasant parents, placed in an animal feeding trough for lack of better facilities. Hardly awe inspiring. Before he was two, he fled persecution (Herod the Great ordered a massacre of all infants two and under, having heard of his arrival - these were barbaric times!). He spent much of his childhood in exile as a result, and returned to take up his "father" (Joseph)'s trade as a carpenter.

In his thirties, (when Jewish men were deemed to have finally "come of age") Jesus began to publically declare his identity. God in human form set out to introduce himself to humanity through his life and actions. There was no political uprising. No call to war against the Romans. And worse (for the religious leaders of the time) there were no kickbacks to the religious institution!! God embraced the dirt and smell of humanity. He mixed with the poor, the sinners, and the diseased. He liberated those who came to him from oppression, disease, and the condemnation of society. He forgave sins! And he did all of this OUTSIDE the religious and ceremonial systems so carefully maintained by religious Jews. He frequently broke the elaborately constructed ceremonial laws, while physically embodying perfect relationship between God and others. His every action broke the power of oppression and brought healing and life. He demonstrated not condemnation and legalism, but forgiveness and love. Instead of stoning sinners, he loved and forgave them.

Jesus was NOT what the Jews expected in a Messiah. And he WAS a huge threat to the religious establishment. Everything he did and said, healed bodies and minds. With his words, he offered comfort, blessing, forgiveness and freedom. It was obvious to anyone who cared to look, that there was immense power behind his words and actions. The very elements appeared to obey him at times, and we are told he could have summoned a legion of angels to enforce his will - yet he forced nobody. His strongest words he reserved for the oppression of religion. "Sinners" he treated with compassion and love. He allowed people to see themselves as something quite outside the limits imposed on them by religion and society. People began to flock to him, rather than to the priests, looking for healing and release. Strangely, (or perhaps, not so strangely, if you think about it) though he never made a political power play, this made him a significant threat to the power dynamics of Jewish society. To literally add insult to injury, Jesus was forthright in condemning the oppressive religious system of the day. Like slaughtering a holy cow - this was absolute blasphemy in the eyes of the religious establishment. He had to go! So they plotted to kill him.

Law and Divorce... a different perspective.

2011-09-20T22:22:00.003+10:00

Thanks to Craig Bennet, who responded to my previous post about divorce, by sending me the following link, to a VERY interesting theological article, by David Instone-Brewer, in Christianity Today, about the Biblical teaching on divorce. Like so many things, it's not the teaching I grew up with!! It confirms the gut feeling I and many others have had, that a God of justice and compassion could not possibly require people to stay in entrenched, hopeless, lifeless situations of any kind!

Anyway, for those who are interested: What God has Joined Together

I could say more... but right now I'm just ready to go and weep a few tears of relief!

Thanks, Craig - God sent your words at just the right time!!

Love and... Divorce

2011-09-18T20:55:00.001+10:00

I'm still planning to continue the "retelling the story" series... wrestling with part 3. However in the meantime, I jumped into a discussion on The Pangea Blog about divorce. I've had some thoughts re divorce (funny that!!) & was mulling whether to share them here. I ended up articulating them in response to a comment on Pangea, so am sharing my "comment" as a post here too.

Samuel Warren made the comment "Christianity is about love...divorce is not love, and quite frankly the bible does say that God hates it." I gotta say, that's pretty much the comment I would have made myself, up to a year or so ago. Here's my response:

I'm a Christian, and have made the decision to divorce after 18 years of marriage. ... my husband suffers with Aspergers syndrome - a kind of high functioning Autism.

I stuck with a difficult, often abusive (although there was no physical violence) and very lonely marriage for so long, not because I believed that I was bound by any "law", but because "divorce is not love". I believed that to walk away from my "marriage" (inverted commas intended) would be self-focused and unloving, and as you have intimated, against the character of Christ. This is not to say I behaved in all that time, with beautiful, Christ-like love. I was not able to.

In January of this year, I saw a way forward, that I believe was from God. I realised that if I took steps towards leaving, but did so slowly and taking measures to help my husband cope with the changes, I would be free, and he would also be taken care of.

In the months since separation, I have seen him become a far better parent than ever before, and cope better with "life" than I had previously thought possible. We still have a friendship, of sorts (it is taking time to work things out - for both of us) and because Aspergers is a social/relational handicap, I think perhaps this is partly because he is now freed from the demands of an intimacy he was never "wired" for.

I believe marriage is meant to be a living picture of the intimacy God desires with us. There are instances where the "vows" are taken, and the words are said, but there is no possibility of establishing that kind of intimate connection. Perhaps in those cases "marriage" is not love. I actually believe what I endured was not truly "marriage", and I have called the farce. Divorce is an ugly word - and reactions from Christians have been... interesting! However we can never afford to make judgments about others.

Oh - one other thing (this was not part of the above response)
Don't get the impression that I have conducted myself through separation and on the path to divorce in some kind of saint like manner. For a long time there, I really stopped "listening" and was making quite a mess of things. Still not sure I've got it all quite back on track. Also don't get the impression that the other party has been a total "bad guy". Far from it. I've seen him respond to this in a way that has genuinely raised him in my esteem. (and no, at this point I still don't believe a real marriage is possible) However the fact is, whatever I do, whatever we do, whatever the outcome, God has hold of me, and love still wins!!

Retelling the Story 2 - thoughts and mullings on the "law years"

2011-08-21T10:01:00.002+10:00

Before we move on to the end of the years of "Law", I want to "zoom in" on some aspects. Those of you who are scholars and thinkers might like to correct or add to my thoughts, and I would love your input!! Here are some things that stand out to me.

After relationships are broken, and paradise is lost, God continues to walk amongst humanity and relate to individuals. He chooses a man, Abraham, who is willing to trust and relate to him. Abraham's family is crazy and dysfunctional - but God gives them the opportunity to walk with and
relate to Himself, and promises to make them into a nation that will bless all peoples. Of course, the Jewish nation is not even born yet, so the Jewish religious laws don't actually exist at this point. They come later, after Abraham's descendents have grown into a nation/tribe known as the "Hebrews".

We follow the chequered fortunes of these so-called "chosen people". God continues his pattern of speaking and relating to individuals. He speaks to a fellow named Moses (another hot-head, with a less-than perfect record), who listens. God empowers Moses to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt, where they have become a nation of slaves. Initially, God leads the people visibly and audibly. Moses is a kind of "spokesperson" of sorts, however once the people choose to follow God, He seems to want to reveal himself in ways that all can see and experience. The problem with this system... is that the people just can't handle it! After getting a glimpse of the awesomeness of God at Mount Sinai, they beg Moses to do the talking for them! Moses becomes an intermediary between God and the people, and God's instructions to Moses become written down and codified as the Jewish religious law.

The law is pretty elaborate. There are rules for just about everything!! There is an emphasis on social justice that was probably unheard of in those times, but even so - penalties are harsh! Yet embedded within this strict system, are "rules" that breathe grace, and require nothing less than total trust and reliance on God. For example, every 7th year, the people are supposed to rest the land and not farm it - relying on God to supply their food for a whole year! Every 50th year, all debts are to be cancelled and all slaves set free. I'd like to know if they ever really did this!!

Over the years, the law is interpreted and used by the as a dividing line, between righteous and unrighteous, "us" and "them". It separates the family of Abraham - now known as the Israelites, from the peoples around them. But remember - God's promise to Abraham was that his family would be a blessing to ALL people. In spite of the law's injunctions on behaviour, intermarriage, purity... God insists on choosing individuals who do not fit the picture of "rightness" depicted by the law.

God promises that from Abraham's lineage there will be a great king. In due time, King David comes to rule the people of Israel. Far from being a "pure Israelite" in terms of the law, David is the descendent of foreigners, and even prostitutes - who have trusted in God. David himself is described as "A man after God's own heart", however he breaks God's laws in numerous ways. He breaks the ceremonial laws of the priests; and God is apparently pleased with this! He becomes an adulterer and a murderer - and has a good and loyal general killed in battle in order to obtain his wife. God is NOT pleased with this, and there are difficult consequences. However God's love for David, and David's close relationship with God do not end.

Interestingly, although David wants to build a permanent place of worship for the God he loves, God refuses him, on the grounds that "he is a man of blood." It is left to David's son, Solomon, known for his wisdom and justice, to fulfil his father's dream.

From time to time, when the nation of Israel had forgotten their God and his promises to Abraham, prophets arose, who spoke to the people on God's behalf. Among these writings are repeated calls for the people to return to keeping God's laws. However these do not read like calls from an angry legalistic God. They are often more like the anguished cries of a lover to a wayward beloved. God's message might often be summed up as "I hate your religious observances - I want your heart!". Words like "justice" and "mercy" are often the catch-cries of these messengers. This is a God who is all about relationship!!

Retelling the Story... Part 1

2011-08-13T19:11:00.000+10:00

This is actually something I began months... and MONTHS... ago!
I'm still exploring these ideas. I'm not quite sure where it's all going. I'm putting this up, raw and unfinished as it is, because I think the answers to the questions I'm asking are crucial. And if I stick it up here - I will be obligated to finish the study!! Love to hear the thoughts of others on this stuff...

Just found another blog post that tells a little part of the blog story I've been trying to form in my mind for... ages! Maybe it will help me actually get it into words. Al Lindskoog's post titled Amazing Grace, over at Communitas Collective points right at the spot I've been trying to direct my words towards. Actually, quite a lot of Al's writings do (his blog is here, if you would like to wander through them) The bottom line is that the rules don't matter. It's all about Grace.

Don't misunderstand me - there is definitely such a thing as right and wrong. Sin is real. But living on that dividing line will kill you! It is the way of Grace that gives life.

Let me try and re-tell a familiar story...albeit very much simplified (after all, it is quite a challenge to fit 66 books into a few short paragraphs) but I wonder if you will see in it what I see!

We start with a perfect world. A man, a woman, living in utopia, in perfect innocence, enjoying the utter beauty of creation, of each other, in simple, intimate relationship with the Creator. But this is not "plastic perfect". They are not puppets. They are free to choose the relationship, or leave it. & leave it, they do. They are given the choice to eat from the tree of Life - or the tree of knowing Right and Wrong. They choose to know right from wrong - & their relationships - with each other and with God, are broken.

Along with knowing right and wrong, comes working to stay alive - survival and self-worth through their own effort. God, respecting the choice of mankind to live and govern the world by their own effort, gives them the most perfect measure of right and wrong ever devised. The set of laws He gives them are incredible. Following them keeps the people healthy, keeps the land healthy, and is chillingly correct when it comes to wrongdoing and morality.

Of course, the people cannot keep these laws consistently - and often do not do so at all. Living with the knowledge of right and wrong - using even the most perfect measure, results in centuries of conflict, harsh legality, and violence. And none of this brings about the health and harmony they seek.

So what happens next?

Just because...

2011-07-31T22:15:00.001+10:00

I haven't been doing much writing of any kind for a while, but today the muse struck... kind of a random blog entry, but since I enjoyed the place, and the writing of the poem, I thought I'd share :)

Grahamstown

Dark and ragged,
Skeletons of drowned trees
Implore manmade banks
Rimmed with highway
And bitumen bike track.

The municipal pumping station
Juts practically
Beside serviceway and infrastructure.

Unappraised of civil engineering
Swans dive
And grebes cluster.
An exultant skim of birds
Mirrors perfectly
In a bowl of liquid sky.

Kerry Miller

Getting it off my chest!

2011-04-29T10:54:00.004+10:00

I have a feeling this post is going to be less of a theological /cultural comment, than it is just personal rant. Sorry in advance for this - but there's some stuff I just need to get off my chest.

I'm going through a divorce (yes, it's definite). It's necessary. It's a relief. But the process sucks. Big time. There are times when it feels like surviving a death. What makes it worse, is that I am a CHRISTIAN going through divorce. OH. MY.

Can you tell that I'm feeling angry? I've long been an outspoken critic of "Christian culture". We have created religious shackles for ourselves and others that Jesus never intended. In fact, I firmly believe that if he were walking around in sandals today, he'd be doing a lot more table-tipping than
most of us realise. I doubt much of the Church would even recognise Him - but I'm getting off track...

A friend commented to me early in this process, that when you are getting out of a "big hole", the further out you climb, the deeper you realise the hole has been... or something along those lines. Wise friend! Part of my realisation of how deep the "hole" has been for me, is that I am beginning to see the role that Christian Culture has played, in the depth and length of my own marital misery. There's a lot more to the story than I'm prepared to air here - but those who know us as a family, know it has been a lot more than just difficult. Friends outside the Church have expressed relief that it is finally ending. Apart from a couple of notable (and lifesaving) exceptions who have said the same, I have had to justify my decision to all my close friends and family who are "Churched". They just can't get their heads around it. And the truth is - neither could I, for such a long time - which is a big part of why it went on for so unhealthily long.

The truth is, "no divorce" is not just the default position for Churchy people - it's the ONLY position. Unless he's actually beating you within an inch of your life or doing something sexually immoral. And then you should seek counselling and try to heal the relationship and start again. JEEESSSUSSS!!!
Blind Freddie could see I was caught in something damaging. Only clearly he wasn't a Christian!! How is this sanely possible??

Yep. I'm angry. And here's the irony. For all our Christian talk about family values and the sanctity of marriage - we have a HIGHER divorce rate than most other social/cultural groups. On top of this, when "Christians" are broken down into more specific denominational groupings, "non-denominational" (or "born again") Christians score way and above all the other groups. Something is very wrong with this picture, people!! Yet another piece of evidence that the culture of Christianity does not match the reality of living connected to a loving and gracious God. (or indeed, any reality at all!!)

For a thought provoking perspective, and the stats in question, see the article here. (it's American, but I imagine the Australian stats would not be all that different)

I know I sound harsh. I'm angry. But wear what fits. We have a lot to answer for!

Family stuff...

2011-03-03T14:56:00.002+11:00

Well, the blog has been very inactive for a very long time, and to be honest, I'm not sure how much I will be updating it in the future - although I do have some thoughts brewing that I think ought to be shared... more on that later!

For those of you who pray, we are facing some very significant challenges at the moment, as a family. Basically, after long and protracted difficulties (& those who know us personally would be aware of these) Ian and I are now living under the same roof, but separated. The decision has been made prayerfully, and the separation is not necessarily final. We have to work out how best to move forward as a family, and that may be together as husband and wife - or not.

So far, this new chapter has been a testament to God being in control, and the perfectness of His timing. We are finding that our home is peaceful, and we able to communicate honestly with one other. I think we are both growing as people as a result. Whatever the outcome, I believe with all my heart (and there has certainly been plenty of evidence to back it up) that we are moving forward into something much better.

Thank you for your prayers.

Kerry.

Politics, Again!

2010-10-24T18:19:00.001+11:00

Seems I'm suffering a bit of a dry spell in terms of blog inspiration - however I just read a post by Winn Collier (whose writing I always enjoy) that clearly expresses some of my own very vague mullings, to do with Christians and politics. So... since I have had so little to say for so long, I shall go where angels fear to tread in the hope of at least stirring up some controversy!!

Find Winn's excellent post on politics and fear here

For me, Winn's post really highlights the true agenda behind a lot of the "Christian" politicking that goes on; fear that "our place at the centre of the table" may be threatened and that we will lose "(perceived) control" of the political or social agenda.

Interestingly, the ruckus about changes to "Scripture in Schools" has come up in the news afresh
during the last week. This may tread on a few toes, but bear with me! I'm not against Scripture in Schools (just lost half my friends with that statement!) but I also don't think that the privileged status that Christian Scripture has enjoyed in this country to date is really equitable (& there go the other half!!)

Now that I'm completely friendless, let me explain!

There are two things about the "Kingdom of God" that Jesus talked about, that I think are relevant here. One - it is about restoring freedom, justice, wholeness, goodness, and basically "the way things should be" to the world. Two - this happens by restoring our relationship, person by person, with the Creator who made us, and who is actually the one in control - of all of it!!

So - if justice is an identifying feature of God's kingdom, or way of doing things, isn't privileging one cultural group (Christians) at the expense of others really working *against* the values of the kingdom??

AND - If God is *really* God - do you think he actually needs us to fight for our place at the centre of the table?? If He is really in control, what makes us think WE need to be???

Over to you... what do you think??

Religion and Politics

2010-08-23T13:51:00.001+10:00

Australian Politics has become rather fascinating of late. Here we are, stuck without a real government, because nobody can agree on which direction is best - or who can best take us there! Like almost everyone I talked to, I had difficulty working out who to vote for. I wasn't really happy with any of the choices, and didn't actually decide until the morning of the election. Seems I was anything but alone in that!

I also couldn't resist jumping into a facebook conversation this morning, about politics and the different agendas that might be propelling us God-knows-where, now that a handful of independents have the balance of power. One of my very good friends was defending one of the independents who she knows personally (& she feels is an honest and trustworthy person - which is reassuring) however she did add as an aside "and he's a Christian". I'm glad to say I know my friend well enough to know that she would not vote for anyone simply based on their profession of religion - but it did rankle one of my pet "bugbears". I get a bit riled at many the so-called "Christian" political agendas that are pushed forward. So often they seem to be focused on protecting their own position of privilege, and oblivious, at best, to issues of justice. Thankfully it isn't always the case - but there is more than enough of it to make me hopping mad!!

Anyway, in the light of all that very un-inspiring reality, just before the election I came across something that I thought was quite inspiring. I found it in a (surprisingly balanced) Christian publication. It is attributed to an American faith community called the Sojourners (about whom I know absolutely nothing) and I thought it was well worth reflecting on. For me it is also really encouraging that this has come out of America, when American politics can often seem (to many of us Aussies, self included) so very blinkered.

Anyway, here goes. Its a series of statements which were released prior to a recent US election, entitled "God is not a Republican. Or a Democrat". I don't have a link, so will just copy them here (& for those reading who don't identify themselves as Christians, I think you could substitute "people of faith", or even just "people" for the word Christian, and just "ethical" instead of "religious". The principles are still worth pondering):

* We believe that sincere Christians can choose to vote for any party for reasons deeply rooted in their faith.

*We believe that poverty - caring for the poor and vulnerable - is a religious issue. Do the parties' budget and tax policies reward the rich or show compassion for poor families? Do their foreign policies include fair trade and debt cancellation for the poorest countries? (Matt 25:35-40, Isaiah 10:1-2)

*We believe that the environment - caring for God's earth - is a religious issue. Do the parties' policies protect the creation or serve corporate interests that damage it? (Genesis 2:15, Psalm 24:1)

*We believe that war - and our call to be peacemakers - is a religious issue. Do the parties' policies pursue 'wars of choice' or respect international law and cooperation in responding to real global threats (Matt 56:9)

* We believe that truth-telling is a religious issue. Do the parties tell the truth in foreign and domestic policies? (John 8:32)

*We believe that human rights - respecting the image of God in every person - is a religious issue. In our case, do the parties have a compassionate approach to asylum seekers (Genesis 1:27)

*We believe that our response to terrorism is a religious issue. Do the parties see evil only in our enemies but never in our own policies? (Matt 6:33, Proverbs 8:12-13)

*We believe that a consistent ethic of human life is a religious issue. Do the parties' positions on abortion, capital punishment, euthanasia, weapons of mass destruction, HIV/AIDS - and other pandemics - and genocide around the world - obey the biblical injunction to choose life? (Deut 30:19)

Food for thought. Shalom.

House update

2010-08-15T19:30:00.000+10:00

After the last post, I thought I should probably add the end of the house-buying saga, just so everyone doesn't wonder whether or not we are currently homeless!

Yes. The vendors did finally work out their legal tangle and settle - two weeks late. Ian had taken two weeks off work to do some renovating work and get ready to move in - the settlement happened
the day after he returned to work. A mite inconvenient! There were some walls that needed to be pulled down (actually, quite a lot of walls) which Ian and I had planned to do together. With him back on 12 hour shifts, the job fell to me. Actually, it was fun! (Hey, I am not too old to enjoy playing Lara Croft taking on sheets of gyprock with my awesome karate kicks!) but kind of exhausting, too. So by the time I had played building site supervisor, chief demolisher, and singlehandedly (well, almost) moved a whole household from A to B I was pretty demolished, myself!

BUT - in the midst of all that I had plenty of reasons to feel very loved and blessed. My mum came, slept in our half empty old house and cleaned from dawn to dusk so that it would be ready for new tenants. Friends made meals, and volunteered their time to help us get the last moving and cleaning stuff done. I have to say I felt very loved! AND now we are finally here!!

The top floor is mostly gutted - Ian has a second lot of holidays (how great that he had accrued too much leave and his company was actually pressing him to take more!) and we will be putting up the new gyprock this week. We are living "bedsit style" in the bottom floor while the top is being put together a little more. The house is going to be AWESOME!!! & we love it here! At last, we can see the stars at night, enjoy the wildlife and birds, and if we drive or ride to the end of our own road, we go through beautiful bushland to the most amazing vista! it is joyful to see the dog running in a big yard, and the kids able to just ride their bikes around the village without having to worry about traffic or the safety of the neighbourhood. We truly are blessed!

Opportunities for Grace

2010-06-26T15:14:00.003+10:00

We've had a few things NOT go smoothly lately.

For those who don't know us, we are in the process of buying a house.

It is THE house. The GOD house that we know that we know that we know He found for us. We are dreaming of wonderful times with family and friends, not to mention chooks, vegie gardens and fruit trees. We love the little village community in which it is located. Seriously - this is THE house!!

Along the way there have been some remarkable ways in which things have fallen together unexpectedly super-smoothly. For example,there was a tenant with a loooong lease (& we really
needed to move sooner rather than later). It turned out she had been wanting to move out & jumped at the chance to break her lease so quickly that she was out before settlement - & in an impossible rental market where we were told it just couldn't happen. Ian needed to take accrued leave from work, and holidays had to be booked before we had any idea when we might be moving. The tenant moved and we were given early occupancy - right when Ian's holidays fell... and there have been other little "synchronicities" that have just amazed us. Yep - God is blessing us and the evidence is all right there in the way things are going so smoothly - right? Actually, WRONG - on both counts! Well, God hasn't changed any - but things going smoothly / being the evidence... that's another story!

After all this seemingly almost "magical" coming together of everything, we have hit a snag. Last week it seemed like a HUGE snag - still could be. The vendors have experienced some kind of difficulty making the settlement. That was supposed to take place two days ago. It hasn't. We have no definite date - and there is even a question mark over whether it will take place at all. To add insult to injury, the legal process involved has been quite unpleasant. We have received communications from their solicitor that seem quite adversarial, and although we have been careful to reply softly, it is starting to feel as if somehow, through events quite unrelated to us, we are being cast as "the enemy" by people we haven't even met. No fair!!! I don't know how much of this is simply due to the nature of the legal process - but we've tried to extend grace in the small opportunities we've been given. In spite of this it seems as if, at this point, grace is very much a one-way street.

In the middle of all this, it has been easy to feel slighted, angry, and very anxious! I confess I have lost some sleep. And it has been a definite challenge to the idea that I hold so dear, that to follow Jesus is to be an agent of grace to the world. It is not easy to face hostility with grace, or to continue to be gracious when your efforts are not reciprocated - or perhaps not even perceived. But you know what, if I can only be gracious when it is easy or the payoff is immediate and satisfying - how is that really grace?

So anyway, the rubber has had to hit the road this week. It has been a small reminder that for grace or love to count for anything, there really needs to be a reason NOT to show either. I don't know what will happen with our house - although I believe it will be alright (& although we have had conversations with our conveyancer about "what happens if..." the likelihood that it will fall through is small). And grace does still seem to be moving for us... I had to put 4 different tradespeople/services "on hold" because our expected start date for some remodelling has gone up in smoke. In each case I was anxious about it, because a) we were now having to inconvenience others who had acted in good faith with us, and b) if we cancelled or postponed our bookings, chances were that we would not be able to re-book for a few weeks as they would have other jobs. Guess what - ALL FOUR had had delays of their own and were relieved that we were not ready for them!! Awesome!

With grace like that extended to me - how can I not extend it to others?

Mud and Mothers Day

2010-05-20T18:42:00.005+10:00

Well I haven't had much to say for a while, but I was given the opportunity to share some of what I've been thinking and writing about in our weekly gathering, on Mother's Day. It was posted on the web - & so I thought I'd share it here... in spite of the fact that it shows up my very stumbly mumbly public speaking skills!! (well it was kind of "off the cuff", too)

I thought it was worth sharing here because it expands and also gives a bit of a practical example of some of the thoughts in my "mud" post (how it applied to me on Mothers day - a tough day in the Whalen house - if nothing else!!)

There were actually 3 of us sharing, the first 15 mins is me - Then Ros, then Carolyn - if you listen to all 3 it takes about 35 mins total.

http://www.christiancentre.com.au/thegirls.mp3

Death before life.

2010-04-08T09:59:00.001+10:00

I'm so stuck on this "death before life" thing. It is just burning in me, lately! It seems everywhere I look, and every thoughtful conversation I have, points me to death and resurrection! I still don't think I've really said it clearly (maybe I'm still working it out) so I'm going to have another crack at it.

I think it's the absolute centre of this "following Jesus" thing. (Duh! I hear all the Christians say... Jesus died for our sins etc. etc. .... ) Well... yes. But I'm not talking theology or doctrine here - I'm talking about stepping into the real - & when Jesus died and rose again, He was showing us the way there.

Christians have symbols like baptism (you get pushed under the water, to symbolise death - & when you come up again it symbolises a new life), use terms like "born again" which is supposed to imply the start of a completely new life. The language of death and resurrection permeates all the Christian traditions I know. But somehow it often seems to get watered down to mean more like "a
new way of life" (as in, "I keep the rules now"), or even just a "new bunch of friends"! I don't know about you - but to me, that's hardly something worth dying for!

Jesus used stories about people selling everything to gain priceless treasure. He told people to give up all they had and follow Him. And, of course, the one about the grain of wheat that falls to the ground and "dies" before it can grow into a beautiful, fruitful wheat plant - SO much more than it was before!

No wonder Jesus talked so much in parables and pictures - it's so hard to explain this stuff! You really need to SEE it!! So what did Jesus do? He SHOWED it! He let the Romans torture and kill him - & then He rose again. & He told us that if we want real "God life" that we have to follow Him. Before you can step into the amazing life that God has for you - you have to let YOUR life go. If you want God-breathed amazing, beautiful, powerful, love-filled reality - you have to let go of the self-reality. Sound like a death? It's the doorway to life!!

So how do you do this? I think it involves trust in a God who is real, and will come through for you. It actually isn't even something you "do" . More like something you STOP doing. It's letting go of your own efforts to make things good or pursue happiness, and abandoning yourself to the path God sets for you. Trust. Listen. Follow. Watch what HE does - & be amazed!!

Mud.

2010-04-06T11:37:00.000+10:00

I often have the most awesome thoughts first thing in the morning, when I am half awake. Maybe things have been sorting themselves out in my sleep. Maybe it's because I'm relaxed enough to be listening? Anyway, since the "dying" post, I have been thinking more about how God seems to do things. Using death to bring life is, in so many ways, how "God stuff" happens. He has a way of taking stuff that stinks - & turning it into something beautiful. He doesn't throw away our mistakes - He transforms them.

This isn't "Plan B" because we humans messed it up. It's the way God is! Look at the very beginning of the Bible narrative - God took dust, breathed on it, and made man. I'm no Hebrew scholar, but someone once told me that the Hebrew word we translate as "dust" can also be translated as "rubbish". So, according to the Bible (which also affirms us as incredibly, sacrificially valued and
loved by God) that's what we are: rubbish mixed with the breath of God!

Onto today's early morning mind-feast (how I love school holiday sleep-ins)! The thoughts that really captivated me as I was waking centred on an account from the life of Jesus, where He uses dirt to heal someone.

In this account, Jesus is walking along with his disciples and at the side of the road they see a blind beggar. The reaction of the disciples to this man is telling. "Did this man sin, or did his parents, that he was born blind?" they ask.

Whoa! What a judgment to make!! In their thinking (which would have been the prevailing attitude of the time) the blind beggar's plight proved that either he or his parents were filthy sinners. Judged and found guilty!! & what about the beggar himself? Beggars in third world countries are never a pleasant sight, and he must have lived his whole life (& his family too) under the scorn and contempt of his neighbours, because of his clearly sinful condition. His needs were far more than just physical.

So what does Jesus do? After first knocking the "filthy sinner" label on the head (neither sinned - this is just an opportunity for God's goodness) Jesus does something a little gross. He spits in the dirt! Then he takes the mud he has made and plasters it onto the man's eyes. He tells the man wash it off in the local pool which he does - & is healed.

If you look, really look, at this story - This is Jesus showing his disciples what God is like. Firstly, He is replicating His own original act of creation right in front of them. I think he took that "dust" and created new eyes for that man. Right there, He is saying to them "I am God" and - get this - Jesus is using the symbols of filth and scorn to do it. I'm inserting a little imagination here, but how many times in a middle-eastern culture, do you think men (especially religious men) would have spat in the dirt at the sight of that "sinful" beggar? I'm guessing it was a regular thing. Jesus takes that dirty expression of contempt, and uses it to give the man new eyes. He takes what is probably the source of the man's deepest pain - & uses THAT to heal him!

Yeaahhh! GO God!! THAT, to me, is amazing! God is not afraid to get His hands dirty with our mess. Why would He be? It's kind of how He made us in the first place! & if that's the way He made us in the first place, how is it surprising that our "rubbish" is not actually a problem to God? Whether it is our most shameful acts, our mistakes, our problems, the damage others have done to us, or just the situations we find ourselves in - we are not a "demolish and rebuild" job, as far as God is concerned. No matter how much mess we are in - or how hopelessly "dead" our dreams and hopes seem to be - if we let God breathe on our rubbish; give it and ourselves to Him - as messy as it all is - He will create something alive, vibrant and wonderful out of it.

Taking this a little further (well we have just had Easter, & people tend to talk about resurrection a bit more than usual) Death is the biggest problem any of us will face - and Jesus' death and resurrection is the most final, complete, irrefutable last word on that subject that ever needs to be said. It is the complete and final victory, and the ultimate example of the infinite, big and small ways that the breath of God transforms our rubbish - if we choose it.

Dying.

2010-03-11T21:17:00.000+11:00

Woke up with a revelatory thought, the other morning - a real "WOW" moment!!

But to explain it, I think I need to give some background.

There have been some points in my life, where I have "given up" something, feeling it was a difficult sacrifice - only to find that as I let go of whatever it was, I found myself in an amazing new place, wondering why I had never let go before. The most recent of these was a bit of a turning point in my
marriage (which I wrote about in "love, Actually" a couple of posts back). I guess what I "let go of" at that time, was the right to set conditions on love. I thought they were important (I will love you only if you treat me right; only if we genuinely connect) but letting go of them and deciding to love, regardless, has opened my eyes to a whole new universe!! I will get off track if I go on about it too much - but it's as if those "conditions" that I thought were so essential, were the very things stopping me from really loving, and even from perceiving the love that was around me all along.

Anyway, back to the idea of "letting go". There have been other times in my life, too, where I've let go of something I thought was essential; let it "die", if you will - & found freedom and life in its place. Jesus talked about this a bit. "unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it cannot bear fruit", and "whoever keeps his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it". I've been dwelling on this kind of idea a bit, lately.

Anyway, that's the background. The "WOW" moment happened in the early, half-awake moments of Tuesday morning. I guess I'm still reveling a bit in the new freedom of this whole unconditional love thing, & some thoughts about letting go, finding freedom, etc. etc. were rolling around in my head - then it hit me! I think that's what actual, physical dying is like. We let go of this life, and step into so much more!! Not only that, but if we have lived this kind of "God life" - letting go of the stuff that holds us back, and stepping into new realities - it isn't even something strange and unfamiliar! We've done it before!!

For those who do not already know, my beautiful Dad passed away on January 30th. His passing was peaceful - he was ready. I had the privilege of being with him, and watching him "let go" as he stepped into his next wonderful reality. Of course, I won't see that reality until I let go of my physical life too - & there are plenty of new adventures for me between now and that day - but you know what? I think I will be ready!

Triumph by Grace!

2010-02-12T12:06:00.000+11:00

A friend sent me an email with a clip of these guys in action. The image that stays with me still, is of Ricky Hoyt crossing the finish line, arm raised to the crowd, ecstatic with achievement and triumph - and it still strikes me that it was one of the most humble things I've ever seen! Anyway - enough from me. Watch for yourself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64A_AJjj8M4

** Seems I can't get the link to work properly - cut and paste the address into your browser and it will take you there!

Upside-down reality!

2010-01-22T08:44:00.000+11:00

This is something old-ish. Some time ago I was challenged by an email a friend sent me. It was all about success and prosperity and living big in the "God Bubble" (my label for all that "ra ra" christian culture!). I'd been reading Jesus' words that morning about being blessed (find them in Matthew 5 - well known as the "Beatitudes"). It prompted me to sit down and paraphrase what I'd read - more as a way to really get my head into it, than anything.

What strikes me, is how opposite Jesus' words are to our consumerist, success-driven way of thinking. It completely dominates our culture, yet I think to most of us (religious or not) Jesus' very
different view sounds like, well... true justice! Anyway, here they are - see what you think:

* Blessed are the not-strong-enough, who don't have what it takes to push their way forward in this world - the Kingdom of Heaven has been given to them.

* Blessed are those who choose not to push themselves into positions of prominence or force their way. The earth is their rightful inheritance.

* Blessed are those who grieve over what has been lost. Their pain will be met by love.

* Blessed are those who passionately long for what is truly good. They will be oh, so satisfied!

* Blessed are those who hold the hearts of others gently, valuing life more than law. Their lives shall be valued.

* Blessed are those who do not deceive themselves or allow false motives to cloud their vision. God will be visible to them.

* Blessed are those who build relationships and heal communities. Their relationship as true sons and daughters of God will be acknowledged.

* Blessed are those who are targeted and mistreated for living the truth. Heaven guards their true citizenship.

Why Heady Brew?

2010-01-21T22:07:00.000+11:00

Setting up this blog is a spur-of-the-moment decision, that has been a long time coming!

Previously, when I toyed with the idea of starting my own blog, I tried to think of a name that would capture the essence of what I'm mostly on about - authentic spirituality - as opposed to "religion" of any sort. As you'll probably pick up as this develops (& if you read on), I'm an imperfect & often stumbling follower of Jesus - but don't jump to any conclusions about that! I am completely convinced that Jesus' whole purpose was to liberate us from "religion" & allow us to relate honestly and freely with God - without having to jump through any special hoops!

Back to the blog name, then - Jesus had something to say about "New wine" not being contained in old wineskins. In other words - a new way that is too explosively vibrant to be contained in any traditions, just as new wine expands and bursts old wineskins. New wine seemed to be the concept I was after - but if you have any christian religious background at all - you'll know it's an overused (& often misused) cliche. & since it's about my own personal headspace as well (a crazy place to be, at times!) "Heady Brew" seemed to fit nicely. Hope it lives up to the label!